Unfair..

I am subscribed to Trisomy 18's feed on Facebook, and I just recently read this article they posted about this little boy who was not expected to live past two months who just turned six last month.  The mother of this little boy had written this article to praise a few men who took the time to give her son a wonderful time skiing.  His special education class apparently went to a ski resort, and while they were there the mother got hooked up with two men who agreed to take her son's sled on a few runs.  She described the men as men who were not afraid of much so she is almost positive he wasn't staying on the bunny slope!  She said that the squeals of delight coming from her son were just amazing.  They came down and asked her if they could take him again.  She agreed of course.  She just wanted to thank the two men who were so wonderful with her son.  I am reading this article with tears streaming down my face because the ski resort just happens to be my favorite ski resort which is Durango Mountain Resort in Colorado.  It just reminded me that I never got to take Aubree skiing, and I never got to experience that.  Sure, I am glad that mother had the opportunity, but it just seems so unfair.  I am sure her life has not been easy these past six years, but she has had six years!  I would have given anything to just have been given six minutes...To let my family hold her and let her how know how much she was loved.  Maybe my kids could have really held her and told her they loved her.   We could have sent her off in love.  Sometimes it just seems so unfair.  I know many people think it was easier this way, but it really wasn't.  When you never get to lock eyes with your own child and hold them while they are breathing you would understand, but as her mother I grieved that I never got to do that.  I understood she was not meant to live, but that does not mean that I didn't want to experience even a part of life with her. 

As I get closer to the 22nd I realize how long it has been since she has been with me...three years.  It seems like yesterday and it seems like ages ago...I still miss her so much.