Eight years and Thirteen Months..

Today marks my eight year anniversary with my husband. So much time has passed, but I don't really feel like it has already been eight years! He is my best friend and the person that truly makes me feel content, supported, and most of all loved. He has been there for me through some rough nasty spots in our marriage that included infertility, a miscarriage, and Aubree's death. Our marriage hasn't exactly been easy over the years, but our marriage has grown into something so much deeper as a result of all of this turbulence. I'm not sure I would have survived all of it without him. He really is one in a million, and I am so thankful that God brought us together over 10 1/2 years ago even if I didn't really care for him at first! :) My sister asked me if I had gone through the seven year itch..I actually read that it is now the three year itch..so sad that marriage has come to this, but I had to tell her I never really even thought about it since last year just sort of came and went in a fog. I have always felt really content with my marriage, and I have never once felt "itchy." We seem to complement each other well so we don't even really fight if at all. Of course we get irritated with each other, but it sort of just comes and goes as quickly as it came on. I feel safe and secure with him by my side, and I really feel like with God's help we are in this for the long haul! So...Happy Anniversary to Mike..I love him more today then I could have even imagined when I said, "I do" eight years ago..

Today also marks Aubree's 13-month Angelversary. Wow..13 months already. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was able to hold her in my arms. I wish I could just have one more day all of the time because I feel like it was just too short. I wish that we were able spend every moment of these past thirteen months with her, but God never intended for her to stay here with us. I have learned to accept that as hard as it is, but I still miss her like crazy. I can't help it. She is such a part of me, and it is so hard to be without that important, crucial piece because it is the piece that makes you whole. My kids are starting to get that Aubree was their sister, but they are irritated that their sister was sick and couldn't live with us. I am so glad they are starting to acknowledge her in our family. I have tried to keep her memory alive with them without being too pushy, but I want them to remember her too. It is much harder for them since they never were able to meet her, but I think they are finally understanding that she did exist after all!

As we get closer to summer I am starting to wonder if I will see the red dragonfly again or if she thinks I am ok now..I am not sure I will ever want to not see that dragonfly. It is such a beautiful reminder of how she is soaring in her new life and how she is truly content. It reminds me that I should be that way too..I have grown up so much over the past year, and I hope that she is proud of the way I have handled things here. I know she wouldn't want me to feel sorry for myself every day because she is happy, but I also want her to know that she is never forgotten even when life seems to get crazy with my other children. It is crazy how I have changed my perspective on some things. I am not always negative these days, and I have found that I am able to see the sunshine through the rain. I am just so thankful that she is a part of my life even if it was just for a short while here..

All my love, Aubree..

A "Quiet" Week..

I know that I have been quiet for a while, but it has been anything but quiet here this last week. We had a wonderful weekend last weekend with my sister, Dan, and my new niece. It was so nice to be able to see her again since she has changed so much since I saw her last. While she was here she started smiling too so that was really sweet! We of course ended the nice weekend with a dog fight between my sister's dog and Roxie. We have no idea what happened, but we just know that my brother-in-law saw Luna with her mouth around Roxie's neck. Roxie threw up instantly four times, and she was breathing really funny so I just watched her for a little while to make sure that her breathing returned to normal..It never did, and every time she took a breath she made this weird sound so I decided to call our vet. When I told the secretary what happened she said to bring her in right away. I quickly got dressed, and took her to the vet. They checked her out and said she looked ok, but they would do an X-ray of her lungs and neck just to make sure. When they called me back they asked what had happened because she was really banged up. They showed me on the X-ray how her lungs were basically squished and how one was punctured and almost collapsed. She also had blood around her heart and in her lungs so her prognosis was guarded..That threw me for a loop, and I began to cry. I was shocked, and I think they were as well since she had no marks at all on her body from the fight. I had to leave her there to be put on steroids, antibiotics, and painkillers. I was a mess when I left and tried to call Mike. I was completely incoherent when trying to explain to him what was wrong. He called my sister to tell her the news. She of course felt terribly even though my dog was just as much at fault..if she had just stayed out of it..Apparently Murphy (my mom's dog) and Luna were fighting, and Roxie (the referee) jumped in and got the worst of it. Roxie and Luna just don't get along at all because they are both alpha females. Roxie just got the worst of it because she is so much smaller..Luna is the sweetest dog, but she has had to defend herself so many times against other dogs that she doesn't back down anymore..

They said the first 24 hours were the most critical so they told me to call in the morning around 10:30 after she had her X-rays done to see how she was doing. They said she was better, but she still had to stay there for another day. We ended up bringing her home (thankfully) on Wednesday afternoon, but she is on strict cage rest for 10 days. We are allowed to take her outside on a leash, but she has to go right back to her crate to rest. Ruger is a mess because he can't understand why she is in there so he just keeps hitting the crate with his face and barking at her which in turn gets her all upset..It is going to be a long 10 days! She is also still on painkillers and antibiotics for a while so we are trying to keep her as calm as possible! Easier said then done when your dog has a lot of energy at almost eight years old! It has been a rough week, and I still have to check her gums 2-3 times a day to make sure they aren't white which would mean the bleeding has started again..Yikes! Talk about stress. I know she is a dog, but she is so much more then that to me. She has seen me through so much in her almost eight years of life, and I am not ready to lose her to something like this!

To top it all off Parker got sick and was up for two hours the other night with breathing difficulties. Talk about stress! He has a nebulizer so we ran Albuterol (which caused breakdancing at 4 in the morning) and a steroid through to help him breathe easier. He has been running a fever since Wednesday, but I guess he just has a viral infection. I took him to our pediatrician yesterday to have his lungs listened to just in case. I also discussed his allergy situation with her because we can't get in to our allergist until May. She made a call for us, and Parker will be seen on Monday morning! Hooray!! I need to find out what he is allergic to before allergy season hits us because the poor kid can barely play outside without having coughing fits and getting skin that is so itchy that he ends up ripping it open from scratching. Last fall was terrible, and I am not going to go through that again with him if we don't have to! I need some answers so hopefully I will get them on Monday morning!! It has just been one of those weeks!!

To top it all off Carley has decided that maybe I could have another baby and that this baby hopefully won't be sick..She is four, and it makes me so sad to think that she has to think about babies being sick and dying already..I know that is what she knows, but it still beaks my heart that her innocence seems gone already in some ways. Thank goodness it is Friday!!!