Life is all about change, about growing, about learning, etc. I am all about change right now. I am changing as a result of looking at life around me. I don't like what I see. I don't like where I am right now. I am trying to find joy in the simple things again. I was so depressed with life around me that I thought the answer was just to pick up and leave this sorry little town. Start over. Starting over is not going to change what happened or change me. I knew that, but running away from problems is just what I do. I always have. Mike always says that is not the answer, but I hate dealing with things so it is just easier for me. I have had so much anger lately that it is leading to anxiety and depression again. My mood has just plain sucked lately. I decided that I needed to just stop...just change the way I viewed things. I needed to live more simply.
When I was running the trails around my house yesterday I looked at how beautiful they were, and I was just going to leave it all without even looking back. Running from my problems is not the answer. I am being proactive now. I am making positive changes. I am becoming the person I need to be for my family..a simple mom who just enjoys the little things in life. We don't need a lot to be happy contrary to the popular belief that most of society holds right now.
We have changed churches, and it has been a wonderful thing for our whole family. The kids are excited about going, and I actually am learning again from the Pastor. He is so engaging and he makes so much sense to me. I have been lost in our church for quite some time, but I haven't been able to leave it because we have so many wonderful friends there. We decided we needed to make a change that was right for the whole family. The kids have friends at our new church already so it has been positive for them too. I like hearing them say, "Can we go back to that church again next week?" Instead of, "I hate church. It is so boring. I don't want to go." It has been wonderful....I am going to live out some dreams of being a "farmer." I am hopefully getting some chickens and a goat. I want to teach my kids responsibility. I don't want them to live in a world in which they think everyone owes them something. I am going to attempt to ground them. We shall see.
I have a lot more changing to do, but I am working on things. I am working on making new friendships, nurturing the ones who enjoy the simple things, etc. Surrounding myself with honest, simple people has really made a positive impact on my life. Surrounding myself with people who get me is helpful too. I am different, and I think differently as a result of losing Aubree. I miss her so much every single day, and it is nice to be around people who truly get that. I will continue to change..strive to be better for myself and for my family...