Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A Changed Life..

Life is all about change, about growing, about learning, etc.  I am all about change right now.  I am changing as a result of looking at life around me.  I don't like what I see.  I don't like where I am right now.  I am trying to find joy in the simple things again.  I was so depressed with life around me that I thought the answer was just to pick up and leave this sorry little town.  Start over.  Starting over is not going to change what happened or change me.  I knew that, but running away from problems is just what I do.  I always have.  Mike always says that is not the answer, but I hate dealing with things so it is just easier for me.  I have had so much anger lately that it is leading to anxiety and depression again.  My mood has just plain sucked lately.  I decided that I needed to just stop...just change the way I viewed things.  I needed to live more simply.

When I was running the trails around my house yesterday I looked at how beautiful they were, and I was just going to leave it all without even looking back.  Running from my problems is not the answer.  I am being proactive now.  I am making positive changes.  I am becoming the person I need to be for my family..a simple mom who just enjoys the little things in life.  We don't need a lot to be happy contrary to the popular belief that most of society holds right now.

We have changed churches, and it has been a wonderful thing for our whole family.  The kids are excited about going, and I actually am learning again from the Pastor.  He is so engaging and he makes so much sense to me.  I have been lost in our church for quite some time, but I haven't been able to leave it because we have so many wonderful friends there.  We decided we needed to make a change that was right for the whole family.  The kids have friends at our new church already so it has been positive for them too.  I like hearing them say, "Can we go back to that church again next week?"  Instead of, "I hate church.  It is so boring.  I don't want to go."  It has been wonderful....I am going to live out some dreams of being a "farmer."  I am hopefully getting some chickens and a goat.  I want to teach my kids responsibility.  I don't want them to live in a world in which they think everyone owes them something.  I am going to attempt to ground them.  We shall see.

I have a lot more changing to do, but I am working on things.  I am working on making new friendships, nurturing the ones who enjoy the simple things, etc.  Surrounding myself with honest, simple people has really made a positive impact on my life.  Surrounding myself with people who get me is helpful too.  I am different, and I think differently as a result of losing Aubree.  I miss her so much every single day, and it is nice to be around people who truly get that.  I will continue to change..strive to be better for myself and for my family...

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