Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Eight years and Thirteen Months..

Today marks my eight year anniversary with my husband. So much time has passed, but I don't really feel like it has already been eight years! He is my best friend and the person that truly makes me feel content, supported, and most of all loved. He has been there for me through some rough nasty spots in our marriage that included infertility, a miscarriage, and Aubree's death. Our marriage hasn't exactly been easy over the years, but our marriage has grown into something so much deeper as a result of all of this turbulence. I'm not sure I would have survived all of it without him. He really is one in a million, and I am so thankful that God brought us together over 10 1/2 years ago even if I didn't really care for him at first! :) My sister asked me if I had gone through the seven year itch..I actually read that it is now the three year itch..so sad that marriage has come to this, but I had to tell her I never really even thought about it since last year just sort of came and went in a fog. I have always felt really content with my marriage, and I have never once felt "itchy." We seem to complement each other well so we don't even really fight if at all. Of course we get irritated with each other, but it sort of just comes and goes as quickly as it came on. I feel safe and secure with him by my side, and I really feel like with God's help we are in this for the long haul! So...Happy Anniversary to Mike..I love him more today then I could have even imagined when I said, "I do" eight years ago..

Today also marks Aubree's 13-month Angelversary. Wow..13 months already. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was able to hold her in my arms. I wish I could just have one more day all of the time because I feel like it was just too short. I wish that we were able spend every moment of these past thirteen months with her, but God never intended for her to stay here with us. I have learned to accept that as hard as it is, but I still miss her like crazy. I can't help it. She is such a part of me, and it is so hard to be without that important, crucial piece because it is the piece that makes you whole. My kids are starting to get that Aubree was their sister, but they are irritated that their sister was sick and couldn't live with us. I am so glad they are starting to acknowledge her in our family. I have tried to keep her memory alive with them without being too pushy, but I want them to remember her too. It is much harder for them since they never were able to meet her, but I think they are finally understanding that she did exist after all!

As we get closer to summer I am starting to wonder if I will see the red dragonfly again or if she thinks I am ok now..I am not sure I will ever want to not see that dragonfly. It is such a beautiful reminder of how she is soaring in her new life and how she is truly content. It reminds me that I should be that way too..I have grown up so much over the past year, and I hope that she is proud of the way I have handled things here. I know she wouldn't want me to feel sorry for myself every day because she is happy, but I also want her to know that she is never forgotten even when life seems to get crazy with my other children. It is crazy how I have changed my perspective on some things. I am not always negative these days, and I have found that I am able to see the sunshine through the rain. I am just so thankful that she is a part of my life even if it was just for a short while here..

All my love, Aubree..


  1. Happy Anniversary ;O) Sending you Love and blowing kisses to you angel ;O)

  2. My Jamie comes to me via butterflies. Already have "seen her" this Spring in Houston. And the cardinal that arrived the day before her birth and visits occasionally was gone all winter. He came knocking on our window last week.
    I hope your dragonfly returns...it is nice to "see" them again!

  3. Happy anniversary to you both.

    Happy 13 months Aubree xo

  4. Happy anniversary! Happy 13 months sweet Aubree. Hope the dragonfly visits this and every year.
    It's harder than we realize on children when his/her sibling dies. They grieve differently than we. Poor little Carley and Parker they are so young. Unfortunately for us, young children don’t have a filter. So sorry. Those little comments, although said innocently, hurt. I often question myself, whether I’d prefer Tatum didn’t mention Payton or hear those little comments. Most of the time, I prefer she did mention Payton; even when she talks about wanting a baby to come from Heaven or asks where her brother is, because it means her little brain is trying to understand. It still hurts.
    You’ll have to let me know if the book is any good. Thinking of all of you.

  5. I hope your anniversary was great! It is funny how fast time goes by, and then how time changes how we see things. I think we grow and learn to see things as blessings instead of pain...part of the growth I guess! :)