Sunday, April 3, 2011


As I tucked Parker into bed last night and we said his prayers, he began to ask a few questions that I just couldn't answer..We always include Aubree in our prayers, and he all of a sudden decided to ask me some questions about why she wasn't here with us. I explained to him that she was sick and had to go to Heaven to be with God already. He told me that he would fly up to Heaven and bring her back. He also included in this statement as an afterthought that he would turn into Buzz Lightyear and fly up there.. I told him how sweet it was of him to want to bring her back to us, but I also told him that I thought she was really happy where she was because she wasn't sick anymore. He then proceeded to tell me that "God is bad." Wow..I know we are in the phase where everything is either good or bad, but I certainly don't want him thinking that way about God. I can understand why he said that, but I also explained to him that God is taking care of her for us. He isn't bad at all because he is the reason she is healed and happy now. Sure..I have thought in my own ways that God isn't necessarily fair or that the fact that he let me carry her for 31 weeks was a bit much when He had planned that I would never meet her alive, but I believe that God is good! I was just shocked that he was coming up with these statements all of a sudden. I am sure he is trying to process all of this in his own way, but we have never made any references at all that God is bad in any way..I am sure it is just his three-year-old understanding of good and bad, and to him it would seem like "God is bad" when the loss of Aubree is what has caused all of the sadness in our house. My sweet, sweet, Parker just wants his mommy to be happy, and he thinks that by bringing Aubree back I will be his happy mommy again.. Sure, I am sure that having her in my life in a more physical way would bring happiness back to me, but I can't say that her life here would be better then what it is now. I just need to continue being patient because someday we will hopefully all get to fly up to Heaven to meet her..I hope for Parker's sake that he gets to be Buzz Lightyear when he goes! :)

1 comment:

  1. Oh Amanda, how hard. Parker is so sweet! He just wants to make his mom happy and is missing his sister. Also hoping Parker gets to go as Buzz Lightyear many many many years from now when he is an old man.