I feel like I have been having more and more triggers lately, and it is driving me crazy. My therapist believes I never fully dealt with my guilt because I didn't have time to. I had two little kids that I had to get out of bed for every morning, and then we moved into our house. We threw all of our energy into unpacking, doing the landscaping, and putting in our yard. That was seriously all we did, and we never stopped going...I never gave myself time to fully grieve. I have to do that with her at my next appointment. We have to go back to the day that I was given bad news at my ultrasound and deal with my emotions again..Fun times!! I hope it helps me get through this spot I find myself stuck in.
I know this is ridiculous, but do you ever wish you could simply take a name off of the market? I have recently just seen a little girl named Aubree's pictures of when she turned one. Of course she has dark hair, and is adorable...Why in the world does her name have to be Aubree? That is my baby's name, and that is my spelling...Ridiculous, but I can't help but feel that way..I just feel like you shouldn't be allowed to name your baby a name of a deceased baby even though they have no clue..I know other people feel the same way as me so I know I am not 100% crazy! :)
I just can't believe how quickly time is flying. Westyn is nine months already..Aubree has been gone for 28 months already...Parker is four...Carley is five! I just can't believe we are approaching the end of June already. Carley will be starting kindergarten in the fall. She is so excited..I am going to miss her.. I know this is going to be great for her, but we are going to miss having her around. She is such a great little helper for me, and Parker loves playing with her. He is going to be lost without her next year. Westyn will be getting into all of his stuff so he won't be too thrilled with him unfortunately! :) I sure do love summer..the lazy days where there feels like there is little stress. I like the stress that only involves getting to the pool on time to meet some friends!
I have a prayer request too..one of my girlfriends is pregnant and due in August, but her baby has been showing some slowed growth. She has to be monitored three times a week by a specialist so they are obviously worried about what is going on. She has no clue why the baby's growth is decreasing in percentiles, but it could be any number of things. I am praying for an inadequate placenta or nothing...instead of the various syndromes they have mentioned...This is her first child, and it took them a really long time to get pregnant. Please just pray that all goes well for my friend Stephanie and her little baby. Thanks in advance for praying for her! She truly deserves all of the happiness in the world..The first time I ever met her she gave me a book on loss that apparently helped her sister when her sister had a stillborn. (yeah..so sad) She didn't know me, but she had heard of my story so she reached out to me that day...She is such a special person, and I want the best for her. Praying so hard...