I just can't believe it has been six months since Aubree left us. It seems unreal that time has flown by that quickly. I guess we have just been living in a fog for so long that time just keeps on going without us realizing how much time has really gone by. Life is just so different now. I continue to see things differently then I ever would have before. I am just so much more aware of heartache, pain, suffering, etc. Not that I wasn't aware of it before, but I never really got it. I feel like 2010 has been one of the worst years for us so far in some ways even though parts of it have been a blessing. We got to move in to our new home...that is a huge blessing. We have gotten to spend some wonderful times with our friends here. I feel like we are entertaining more this summer then we ever have. I guess being more social has also been a noticeable change in me. I guess I feel the need to surround myself with others so I don't dwell on what is missing from my life.
When I hear about what my friend's kids are doing I can't help but think about what Aubree would have been doing at this point..If she was like Parker she would be crawling already! Yikes! I look at that guest room, and it just feels wrong. I really dislike having a guest room even though I know it is nice to have for when we have company overnight which is rare. I wish it was being used for other things, but I guess that wasn't meant to be. I look back on the past six months, and I think about how much grief has been surrounding my family. I don't want the next six months to be the same. I want to take the next six months of this year and focus on positive things..my wonderful family, friends, and various other blessings that I have. I want to remember Aubree and to think of her fondly instead of with sadness. I need to find a way to honor her in the second part of this year. I have an idea in mind, but I guess I just need to put it in motion! I am going to look ahead of instead of behind...I need to keep going forward. I may never be the same person again, but I am a new me...Maybe this me will be better..we shall see. How can you be the same person as you were before when a piece of your heart is missing? You are no longer "whole" like you were before. We can try to become as "normal" as we were before and we might get close, but we will still be parents who have lost a big part of our hearts. Six months ago today I got to hold my beautiful baby girl in my arms, but she will be in my heart forever. Sending much love to Aubree in Heaven today..