I have been pretty lost these past few days just thinking about where I was at a year ago. At about this time I was happy just thinking about the new baby that I just learned would be completing our family..happy thinking about what that baby might be like, just happy period. I think about that time because I had no idea what was coming. I look at where I am now, and it makes me so sad to think that nothing turned out the way that I thought it was going to. It is hard to choke down sometimes. I am just missing her so much these days because it was about one year ago that I began my journey with her.
I have been wondering what her life might be like now, and I have been seeing little things that are reminders to me that she is just fine. Last weekend I was sitting out on the deck when a red dragonfly landed on my plate. I have never had this happen before or ever even seen a red one. It was the most beautiful dragonfly I have ever seen..the wings were amazing. I can't even begin to describe them because there were so many beautiful details within them. I have always thought of Aubree as my red girl even though she didn't end up having my hair, but her personality was just like mine..It felt to me like she was just telling me that she is doing just fine and that she is free..free to fly, free to live her life in beauty, free of any pain..The dragonfly only stayed for a minute or so, but it reassured me that she is happy. Another sign that she is doing great is actually from the flowers at her grave. I went back this past week, and I found that not only are her flowers still blooming, but she is getting more buds! Mine have been dead for weeks! She continues to show her beauty and she will never be forgotten..I am just so amazed at this because our plants were planted within hours of each other. I know that I shouldn't be surprised about this at all..that is just how God works!
I have also been thinking about Joseph's story because that is what I taught all week at Bible School. He went from being in jail to controlling much of Egypt as a result of the fact that he could interpret dreams that foretold of what was to come for Egypt. He pretty much saved the people because he was able to save up enough grain to last them through the famine. I know that Joseph went from feeling hopeless to feeling fulfilled as a result of his trust in God...I hope that I will also go from feeling hopeless at some point. I will just continue to trust God that I too will be carried through to the other side..