This morning I got to spend some time with my mom friends. I look forward to my Friday mornings with these ladies all week because they are not only a great group of moms, but they are a great group of friends that have been there for me through all of this. My one friend is sadly going to be leaving us because her husband just got a job in northern Virginia. I am very happy that he got a job, but very sad that they will be leaving us. I won't get to see her or her two beautiful children every week! I know we will see each other again, but..it is still hard to say "see you later." Anyways. I got to hold her newest one this morning..Lia is about 9 weeks old I think, and she smells wonderful. She has that sweet baby smell about her that is so infectious. I just love that smell..the smell of newness, baby shampoo, and a little bit of spit-up. I think it is funny how every baby is washed in something different, but they all smell the same! I wish that we could bottle that smell for rainy days. I really have been thinking about having another baby because it was actually really nice with just the four of us on vacation..I started to think that maybe I just wanted the two that I have here on Earth with me..After holding Lia this morning I was reminded that I really do want another baby. I just don't know if that is in our cards or not, but it is something that has been crossing my mind today..
I went to see Aubree yesterday after swimming with my cousin and her kids all day yesterday. I hate how I get all upset when I drive to the cemetery..how I don't know what to say to her..how I hate leaving her..I know she sees us all of the time and she is with our family in everything that we do, but I just feel like she is so far away from me. I am just so sick of living my life like she never existed. I know I am supposed to be living my life, but I just feel like I should be doing more. I really hate that Carley feels like she needs to tell people that our baby was sick. I really thought she was getting the fact that Aubree was gone, but just the other day she made a comment about when we could bring her home..I guess I am with her in that I would like to know that too..I wish I could bring her home. I will just have to be patient..
I was watching one of my favorite shows this week..I know I can be a little old-school, but I just love Little House on the Prairie. I was watching the one that had the fire that took Mary's baby and Alice Garvey. The show actually really hit home because Alice's husband Jonathan is very upset about the fact that God did not spare Alice. He commented about how he has read about all of the healing that was done in the Bible, and he wanted to know why God didn't save his Alice..Charles Ingalls (Michael Landon)makes the comment that he just doesn't know..None of us know why some people are healed and others are not. He turns to drinking to take away the pain of losing his wife. His son Andy is hurt by not only losing his mother but by the fact that he is slowly losing his father too..Charles goes over to talk to him, and he pushes the Bible into his lap and tells him to read..It is the passages in the Bible that bring him back to his son..to his life..and to the realization that God is still good. I find that when I start to question the same things the Bible does the same for me..I love that God is always revealing Himself in subtle ways when I need Him most.