Today is the 4th of July, and I should be excited about spending some time with my family, but I am finding that I would rather just stay in my house with Mike and the kids. I have no idea why I have been feeling this way lately, but I seriously just want to keep to myself. I know it isn't healthy for any of us, but I have been so emotional lately for some reason that it is just easier to stay home. We went to our fairgrounds today to get a hot sausage sandwich from Coy's which is one of my family's favorite things to eat this time of year. My cousin ate four one year when she was pregnant..it was quite a record if you would see how tiny she is! :) We were just milling around with a bunch of people who were there to watch the demolition derby..really not my thing at all, when I saw this pregnant girl walking around smoking. It made me so angry that she could be smoking when she was supposed to be taking care of that precious baby she is carrying. Why can people like that have healthy children when they don't even take care of them while they are in utero? I can see that poor baby having smoke blown in his/her face all of the time if the mom is already smoking while pregnant. I just don't understand how you could treat something so wonderful with such disregard. Babies are such a blessing, and they are entrusted into your care..I just wanted to run up to her and scream at her for being so cruel..It just doesn't seem fair..
Parker and I were having a conversation at breakfast yesterday, and I made the comment about him being my baby. He told me he was a big boy, and that my baby went away..I wasn't sure I heard him correctly so I asked him again where my baby was..His response was "way up in the sky." Hmm..He is two, and he has somehow understood all of this talk about Aubree. He thinks she is way up in the sky. I'm not sure he understands what that means, but he has listened..His response brought tears to my eyes because he is so right..my baby went away. He is still my baby in many ways, but he has grown up and doesn't need me the same way anymore. I am trying so hard to hold on to him, but he is just pushing further and further away from me which is exactly what two-year-olds do..I just wish I could make him want to be my baby for a little bit longer.. I just feel like my emotions are starting to get the best of me this weekend, and I am just so tired..