Please Pray..

I have two prayer requests right now for two wonderful people who are both pregnant. One of them has become a good friend to me as a result of my experience with Aubree, and she has brought me so much comfort and support..she deserves all of the support and prayers she can get. She was rushed to Labor and Delivery yesterday, but she isn't due until the end of December. She was able to go home last night, but she could still use all of the prayers she can get to bring home her beautiful rainbow baby in December! Her name is Katy, and if you knew anything about this woman you would want to pray extra hard for her because she is one amazing person.

The other prayer request that I have is for my sister-in-law who is currently between 31-32 weeks pregnant, but she is in the hospital with pre-eclampsia. We are praying that she can make it to 34 weeks before she has to deliver, but they are thinking that he may be delivered anywhere in the next week or so. Just pray for her sanity since she is not a fan of sitting still and for the health of both Connie and for my soon to be nephew. Connie is one of the most positive people in these types of situations, and she is one of the strongest women I know so this baby will be just fine since he carries his mothers genes!

Thank you so much for the prayers..they are greatly appreciated. I know that God has a plan for these two women and their babies. I don't know why He does the things that He does, but I do know that they always manage to work out in the end. He knows what is best for our lives even when we don't agree.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Seven Months

Today marks seven months that Aubree has been in Heaven which also means that is has been seven months of her not being here with us...I still miss her every day, and I think about her all of the time. I was driving home last night after a meeting I had, and I was struck by how much I really do miss her. I just wish I could have gotten to know her a bit more, could have seen what she looked like at seven months, what she was getting herself into, what her personality was like, etc. I have all of these wishes, but I just have to be patient until my time comes. I think about the new people that I am meeting who have no clue that Aubree even existed..they have no clue about that horrible event seven months ago that changed me forever..they will never know who I was before. I think about that, and I realize that I have no clue who they were seven months ago either..We could look at everyone that way really because we don't know their stories unless they share them. I am now in the second half of this first year without her. Sure..it has gotten easier, but I still feel her absence every day. I can't help it. I still think back to where I was last year at this time, and I wish I could have warned myself to not get too excited about this new baby...I loved her so much from the minute that I found out she was coming, and I have had to learn to live without her since the day I found out she was not going to live..

Carley and I have really been enjoying a song we have been hearing on the radio lately..I love to sing with her. It is so cute to hear her singing the right words or the ones that she thinks are the right words. I am trying to listen to the words and to let them sink in..I found myself doing that last night on my way to my meeting.

I hear you breathing in
Another day begins
The stars are falling out
My dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running through me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, running to me

Oh, your love is a song

The dawn is fire bright
Against the city lights
The clouds are glowing now
The moon is blacking out, is blacking out

So I've been keeping my mind wide open
I've been keeping my mind wide open, yeah

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running to me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, and into me

Oh, your love is a song
Your love is a song
Oh, your love is a song
Your love is strong

With my eyes wide open
I've got my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken
Yeah, yeah

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running through me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, running to me

Your love is a song
Yeah, yeah
Your love is my remedy
Oh, your love is a song

Your Love is a Song by Switchfoot...I just need to keep my eyes and mind wide open too..

Still..

I just had to share that Aubree's flowers are still blooming after all of this time..My mom went to her grave yesterday, and she just had to call me to tell me that they were still going strong. The part that is so interesting about them is that they don't even bloom this long..they have a short bloom cycle..well..we all know why hers are still blooming! :) My grandmother had told me over Labor Day weekend that they were..that was a couple of weeks ago, and we have had some rough weather since then with the temperatures going up and down..Now I just need to plant her red tulips! Wonder how long they will bloom???

Parker..

The other night we were outside playing before we went in for the night to do the whole bedtime routine, and we found Parker over by Aubree's Magnolia tree. It is the tree that has her nameplate with it, and we even put some stepping stones around it that have the rest of our names on them. We got that wonderful gift from some good friends of ours as a housewarming gift, and we thought it would be an appropriate place to put them. Anyways. We found him talking to Aubree and looking up in the sky. I got tears in my eyes because he was talking to his sister even though he never met her. He was looking up into Heaven and telling her some things that he obviously wanted her to know. He continues to surprise me every day. He can be all boy sometimes and drive me crazy, but then he can be so sweet and loving the next minute. Carley continues to ask about going to see Aubree, but she has now said that she will go once she is older. I of course say, "Please let that be the case." I would love for them to meet her, but I don't think I could handle them meeting her just yet! I believe my kids will always have a place in their heart for their baby sister even though they never met her. They know she existed and that she is a part of our family. I always wonder if we talk about her too much or if we dwell on her not being here too much, but I think that we are doing things right. I want them to have a relationship with her in some way or another, and if they want to talk to her in Heaven then so be it! I would love it if they could develop a relationship with her caretaker early on in their lives. Their lives will be so much more full if they do that..She is still teaching us all..

Amazement..

I have been at peace about a lot of things lately for some reason. I have been enjoying my kids more, have been loving the weather, loving the time with my family, and really appreciating my dogs..Ruger makes me feel so loved sometimes because he has to be with me wherever I go..it is a nice feeling to be wanted like that! The only thing that makes me stressed right now is that I can't get pumpkin at the grocery store..how will I start my fall baking? :)

I just needed to write a few things tonight because they are on my mind..Remember the flowers that I planted in my yard and at Aubree's grave? Well..mine have been dead for about a month or so. Aubree's are still blooming..Her grave is in the middle of a field with no shelter at all..no rain..no care at all..This shows a higher power in my mind..Her beauty is still here..she is still blooming even though her body is not on this Earth. I am so amazed that her Foxgloves (both of them) can still be thriving..I am surprised in some ways, but in other ways I am not at all. How amazing is that? She is everywhere. A good friend of mine asked me if I still think of her as much..yeah, I do. I think of her just as much as I think of my other kids, but is just in a different way. She is a part of me, and I will never forget any part of her. Her dragonfly showed up the other day again..the same red one, and it landed on my chair..mine..not Mike's, not any of the other chairs on the deck..she has landed within a foot of me both times..She stayed around long enough for us to get a picture of her this time..She is beautiful..I really do believe she is telling me that she is doing well where she is. When I see that dragonfly I can't help but smile because it reminds me so much of how beautiful she is and always will be. What a wonderful gift..

This morning as I was driving Carley to preschool one of my favorite worship songs came on, and it really got to me today for some reason..I think God likes to remind me when I am floundering that he can really move the mountains..Sometimes I need a reminder because I get too busy in my own little head to take the time to praise the one who has given me life....

MIGHTY TO SAVE LYRICS - HILLSONG

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains,
You are mighty to save,
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Yes you conquered the grave

He has brought me peace, and I am so thankful..

Some Days You Just Need to Scream!!

I am having one of those days today..I have an extremely busy week this week trying to get ready for Carley's birthday this weekend plus Carley started soccer twice a week at night...and now Parker has come down with Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease..when will she get it? Wouldn't that be a nice birthday present? We are the last of our play group to get it so hopefully it will leave us all alone once and for all after my kids get through it. I am just praying that she doesn't get it very badly if she gets it at all. Parker just has the fever and bad sore throat so far..I am hoping he doesn't get the blisters like some of his little friends have gotten. I know it can be pretty painful for them..I just have so many fun things planned for her, and I would hate it if she doesn't even enjoy the birthday cake that she has been looking forward to for so long now. I guess it is out of my hands at this point. I just hope that after this episode of sickness we can remain healthy in this house for a while. My kids are generally healthy kids and this past summer has been really hard on them for some reason. I think we have been to the doctor more in two weeks then we have been in two years including routine check-ups..it is just crazy! I just feel like I am going to drive myself crazy. Not only do I have anxiety issues because of Miss Aubree, but now my other kids are giving me issues. I just need to get a handle on all of this..I am a mess sometimes! I was really bad today, and I thought that I might just drive myself crazy! The part that kills me is that I know I am doing it to myself. I wish I could just wave a magic wand that calmed me down, but I am not having much luck with even reciting some scripture verses in my head. I am trying to have faith and to just believe that God is in control of everything, but I sometimes allow the anxiety to take over. It is amazing what psychological issues can do to your body. I have felt physical complications as a result of my anxiety..It is almost debilitating sometimes. I am just praying that my kids get a mild version of this so we can enjoy Carley's birthday this weekend with my parents and in-laws. I guess the positive out of all of this is that they are building more immunities...:)