A Birthday Filled With Hope..

Today is my 31st birthday, and for some reason 31 seems so much older than 30..maybe I just feel really old after the year I just had..I don't know. I have been having a really hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year due to the fact that I thought Christmas was going to be so much different this year with three kids instead of just the two that are living with us. As I see the excitement building on my their faces I can't help but feel the excitement of Christmas..Sure, it isn't the same, but I feel like I am starting to get more into the spirit of things. I have found joy again in the Mercyme Christmas cd that I love so much..so much so that I had to get a new one last year because I listened to the first one way too much that it quit playing all of the songs..

We decorated our Christmas tree last night, and I was able to hang two of the ornaments that we either got for her or received as a gift in honor of her. Putting those ornaments on the tree reminded me that she is still very much alive here..She is all around me every single day..I received the most beautiful gift the other night from my mom. She had these beautiful red dragonfly ornaments made for us. I didn't hang mine on my tree because I wanted to see it year round..it is hanging in my kitchen window, and it makes me smile every time I see it..She is there! I was also given this beautiful etched glass recycled wine bottle bottom that has a dragonfly with some grass etched into it..it looks like she is flying home..It is so beautiful...All within the same weekend I learned that my grandparents want to start a fund at a Christian school for children who want to go there but can't afford to called "Aubree's Hope." She is SO alive! My beautiful little girl is everywhere, and I haven't really seen it that much until now..She is still so loved and she has certainly not been forgotten.

My 30th year was certainly the worst year of my life in many ways, but it has also been a year full of personal growth..I have changed, grown-up, and my eyes have been opened to all of the pain around me so much more clearly. I wish that 2010 could have been different but that was not meant to be. It was not all terrible though..I have learned so much in this past year about life, love, family, etc..

This morning I found out that the Women of Faith tour will be coming to Pittsburgh in October, and I have realized that I will be attending no matter what because Angie Smith will be a keynote speaker at the Pittsburgh event..She is one of the people who changed my life with her words, and she wrote that beautiful song that reminds me of my thoughts about Aubree..I need to go see her speak...What a wonderful birthday surprise to find out about this event!!

31 is going to be a better year for me..it already is since it started out with snow!!!