Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Poison Ivy...

I have a terrible case of poison ivy that has made me so itchy over the past week or so. I have been trying to get rid of it before this baby makes an entrance into this world, but I feel like I just keep getting more and more of it in more random places on my body. The part that makes me the most mad is that I haven't even been in the woods! I am getting it from my dogs! I am so thankful that they are sharing this wonderful gift with me..I have washed everything, but I can't seem to get rid of it..Oh well..this too shall pass I guess! It could be worse I guess! :) I sort of feel "itchy" right now with the baby's due date approaching. I am anxious about delivery, what the baby will look like, how we will all adjust, etc. I am trying to think positively, but I am so nervous about not being able to bring this baby home either. Mike allowed me to splurge on a new diaper bag that I love, and it scares the daylights out of me. I got a new diaper bag (one that I loved) before I had Aubree, but I was never able to use it. It sort of feels like I am setting myself up for the same outcome. I won't even take the diaper bag out of the plastic wrap that it came in. I have everything that I have bought sitting in the nursery unwashed with the receipts in a place where I can find them. Returning unused baby items is not fun, but it is also something I have had to do..I hate being that way, but because I have been through loss I can't help but prepare myself that this could happen again. You try to think positively, but those thoughts are always in the back of my head...

The kids have stated that they don't want to have this baby next to baby Aubree's grave and that they hope we get to bring him or her home. Parker even made a statement about someone taking this baby away last night. I don't know where that came from because we have never said that anyone took Aubree away. I just don't understand where some of this comes from. I guess Parker is talking about Jesus, but his understanding of who Jesus is is pretty vague right now so he just thinks that this man took her away when we say that she went to live with Jesus in Heaven. I don't feel like they are anxious right now which is a good thing, but I am really looking forward to showing them that you can have a positive outcome hopefully..I am ready for my kids to just be the 3 and 4 year-olds that they should be..

Everyone keeps asking me how much longer and a few people want me to let them know what it is like to have three. I understand that Aubree isn't living with us, but it makes me crazy to think that most people don't even know about her. They just look at me and think this is my third child. I don't want to just tell random people her story, but I will if they ask. I have been good about telling people that I have two girls and a boy though when people ask if this is my first and what I am having..To the world we are going to be a family of five, but to us we will always be a family of six..


  1. Amanda so sorry about the poison ivy, that has to stink. My heart brakes reading Parker and Carley's comments. Poor little guys! I hate the 'how many children' question. Professionally I answer out loud 1 and in my head 2. Personally, I answer 2, but then there are those weird situations, like this weekend we were at a bbq and a young woman asked. I hesitated a second because she (and everyone else) was drinking and I was the only sober person. My wonderful husband noticed my hesitation and quickly spoke up. I love that he is never afraid to answer honestly, or correct other who don't acknowledge Payton, or speak her name.

  2. I've been praying for you alot lately. I hope that the itchy goes away soon. My heart just aches for Carley and Parker and all of you. If you need anything please call me (((HUGS)))

  3. Im sorry.....i know how you feel. There are moments when you just don't wanna tell people your story but then there are moments when you know in your heart you have another child. I always answer 4....if people ask how old, then i tell them and just say my youngest is in heaven. I cant imagine leaving her out but then there are days when I don't really wanna tell the story either its, it's really just hard...praying for you as you get close.

  4. I am sending good vibes your way and praying that everything turns out well for you. I pray God sends you comfort and peace and just uplifts you. Hugs and Lots of Love.