AHHHH!!

I just needed to vent, and this is of course my best place for doing that! I had my doctor's appointment this morning, and as I sat in a waiting room full of Amish women (yes you read that correctly) I decided that I would love to have an Amish baby..Jk...they are so darn cute though!! :) I don't know if it is their sweet personalities being raised in such loving homes or if it is just the cute little outfits that they wear. I have to feel badly for them though because they have to be so hot in their clothes in this weather! Anyways..I saw my doctor and got checked for the first time, and I was disappointed to find out that I am not dilating at all which will be the first time that has ever happened to me! I am about 50% effaced though so I guess I am still able to be induced on the 21st if I don't go before then. I am almost positive I won't go before then! The best news I got today was that the baby is head-down! I was worried about that since the baby has been transverse for so long! Anyways..back to venting. I had to go to the hospital to do my NST afterwards, and I was in the room with another young girl who must have been having her first. She complained about how her baby boy was beating her up pretty much the entire time..The worst part of it was that the nurse has to ask you all of these questions while you are doing your testing so she started with the other girl first. When she got to the, "Do you smoke?" The girl answered, "Yes." I about died...The girl's mother was so proud of her because she cut down a lot from a whole pack a day to just five a day..Huh??? I wanted to scream..how can you do that to your unborn child? How can she not treasure that little baby in there enough to not smoke at all? I just don't get it..I did everything by the book, and I still had a baby that died..Even before I lost Aubree I would never have taken my unborn child's health for granted..It just made me so sad and angry to think that there are people out there who already don't view their babies as something to be protected..I understand that smoking is a terrible habit and it is hard to break the habit, but I know people who stopped smoking when they got pregnant..I'm sure it isn't easy, but isn't the safety of your unborn child more important? I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but as a mom who lost a baby it is just hard to understand why you would potentially put your child in danger..