Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Gingerbread Latte

You know your life isn't going that great when a Gingerbread Latte is the highlight of your month. Mike and I have been in a funk, as he calls it, lately, and we are just getting by it feels like. We have gotten into some debt for the first time ever due to some doctor bills, getting our doors painted, an unforeseen bill from an excavator in our area, etc. That stress on top of everything else has made us both pretty edgy..We haven't been too edgy with each other, but we are not really talking much either because neither one of us really has much to say. The kids are not behaving so we find ourselves yelling which is not how we want to be as parents. It has just been a tough few weeks it seems like. I feel like I am on the verge of an emotional breakdown at times. My anxiety is out in full force, and I feel sick to my stomach all of the time. Mint gum has become my best friend. Carley is even starting to tell me her tummy hurts, and she needs a piece of gum. I realize she is just wanting the gum, but the fact that she is using that as an excuse just means that I am chewing way too much gum...

I am starting to dread Christmas..finding Aubree's stocking that will sit empty once again this year..I now have to make another dog stocking instead. I never thought this is how 2010 would turn out. I have cried more this year then I have cried in my lifetime I think. Mike keeps asking me how 2011 will be better..I don't know..it just has to be better because I don't know how much more I can take without breaking. Life just seems so unfair, and I am starting to get angry. It's amazing how much worse I feel now then I did four months ago..why now? It just doesn't make sense why now is so difficult. Is it because of all of the holidays? I don't know...

Today started out on a bad note with my dog having an accident all over our carpet in the hall. He sometimes is a little messy when he goes to the bathroom, and he never stays in one place so there was a BIG mess. Cleaning up that big mess made us run late..so late that I had to give the kids their breakfast in the car. I don't like being that way with them..it just makes their day start off on a bad note too. I didn't have time to make a cup of coffee so I ran to Starbucks and thankfully had enough on a gift card to cover the Gingerbread Latte that made my day. I was hopeful that they had the syrup, but when she asked me if I would like to try a Gingerbread Latte I was overjoyed..yes! Something went right today! To top it all off..I think I might be getting a cold. I started sneezing this afternoon so I am doubling up on my Elderberry (the natural stuff that I use), and taking Airborne to try to help..Blah..I think my emotional state has me so run down that my body is giving up the fight..

Today we vote so that means change may be in store..maybe 2010 is all about change for me. I have changed, my life has changed, etc. Maybe we are slowly starting to become the people we were meant to be..it could be positive...who knows. I just feel like things have already started changing so maybe this is just the beginning...

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