Nine Months

It has been nine months today..I remembered last night, and I commented about it to Mike but it didn't hit me until the kids and I were on a walk. It is a beautiful fall day outside..partly sunny and very warm. We were walking down the path towards our house when all of a sudden I had this flashback to the day I realized she was no longer moving. That day was also very warm and partly sunny for February..As I was walking down the path I glanced at the path Mike and I had taken that very day to ease our minds of our fears..I remember the words, the tears, the fear, etc..I felt like I was still pregnant, and I actually glanced down at my stomach to see if in fact I was..As I shook the flashback from my head I remembered that she has been gone for nine months today..Nine horrible, blurry months. I don't remember much about them because I have been in a fog for most of them. I know Aubree is doing great where she is. It is her mom who isn't doing so great. I just miss her so much lately, and I do believe the upcoming holidays are the reason. The last happy thing I remember is Christmas of 2009. I am dreading it this year..

Each month that flies by just means that I have been without her for that long. Yeah..I have grown, changed, had some ups, downs, etc, but my life for these past nine months hasn't really been blissful. I want to buy her an adorable Christmas dress that matches my kids..I guess I will just have to settle for some flowers that will eventually die just like my hopes and dreams for her did..At least I know she is in good hands..