Friday, May 27, 2011

Dread..

I had an appointment yesterday with my OB, and it all went well I guess. The baby has been very active, and I gained a lot of weight this month which is good since I haven't really gained too much up until now. I more then made up for it though! :) I knew I had a month like this coming! He did the usual measurements, but he didn't say if I was measuring on time or anything like he usually does...I'm sure he has not said it every time in the course of the last three babies that I had though either, but I am so paranoid that I'm not measuring where I should be because I have to worry about everything. My blood pressure was even elevated yesterday, and that never happens! I think it might have been elevated (not even enough for them to mention it) due to the fact that I knew he was going to schedule an ultrasound. I don't want one..I have been doing so well with this pregnancy because I am just going along thinking that everything is ok. I am relying on God to hold my hand through this, but I felt like I was the one who dropped His hand yesterday..I allowed fear to flood my thoughts. I hate that I have an ultrasound scheduled because it brings me right back to where I was in my pregnancy with Aubree..that dreaded ultrasound that changed my life forever. I am terrified of another ultrasound because of the possibility of something being wrong. I feel like I am going to worry until it is over. I am just thankful that Mike will be allowed to go in with me this time right from the beginning because of our previous experience. I don't know if I could do it alone. Just thinking about going to the hospital again for another ultrasound makes me sick to my stomach. My doctor said he wanted to check the placenta, but he circled intrauterine growth on the slip..which brings me back to my fear of not measuring correctly. I am sure that it is jut a normal ultrasound, and he probably circles that for all of the regular ones as the reason. I just worry because I can't seem to remember what it is like to have a normal, healthy baby. He told me he wanted to do the ultrasound to put my mind at ease as early as he can after I told him I didn't want to know..I seriously felt so at peace with this pregnancy until that darn ultrasound was scheduled..

3 comments:

  1. ((HUGS)) to you just keep thinking good thoughts, I'm sure everything is fine. If you need anything even if it's just to vent please call me. I'm here

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  2. It is funny how so many times God is right there but we are the ones who are forgeting to hold on tight to Him. HOLD ON TIGHT> He has a plan for you and this little one. Don't let fear overwhelm you! Praying for God to guide you and give you a peace!

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