I realize that today is International Babylost Mother's day, and my heart goes out to all of you fellow moms who have experienced any sort of loss during pregnancy or after..Mother's Day is really a difficult day for all of us, and I am so glad that we are given a day to celebrate the babies that are patiently waiting for us in Heaven. I have peace knowing that all of our children are well taken care of..
I really love my daughter like she is still here because a part of her is always with me. I knew her, and she is very real to me. I truly get offended when people mention that this is my third baby or that now I can move on...What? First of all..she was my third baby, and this baby is my fourth. How can you just forget a person ever existed? I realize that she was not as "real" to some people as she was to me because they never got to meet her, but I can prove to people that she was a "real" baby..just look at the pictures, remember what I looked like last January, just remember period!!! I can heal a bit more with time, but I don't think I will ever move on..I don't even want to move on. I am living my life without my daughter, but I am certainly not going to move on and forget about her. Yes, I am happy about this new baby, and yes I am happy about life in general right now, but that does not mean that she has been forgotten from my mind. Every single day I think about her several times a day in fact, and I still cry sometimes because I miss her so very much..I am not sure we can ever truly move on or even want to do that. We don't want to forget our children even if they brought so many tears with them. I want to remember her always no matter what life throws my way in the future. She was my third baby and she will ALWAYS be my third child..