I have kept my mouth shut, but I have boiled inside for a long time over this issue, and I think I have calmed down enough to actually write about it now. I went from an emotional high to an emotional low all in about a day last week. We have been working on a photo book with our entire family for my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary on Shutterfly to give to them as a memento of our families over the years. Each family was given a few pages to showcase their family. My mom and I worked on our page together, and she encouraged me to include a picture of Aubree since my grandmother has requested one. I put my favorite picture in with a quote that allowed anyone looking at the book to know that she was always remembered and loved. We finished our page and then I was relieved to be done with my part..A few days later my mom was talking to some of our family, and basically through conversation told my mother that it was just too sad to look at that picture and it was supposed to be a happy book..In other words..take the picture out. So..they wanted to cut one of my kids out of My family page..She is my daughter and has every right to be in that book..just like their kids do. I realize she wasn't "real" to them, but this is My page..not theirs! This book is also for my grandparents who recognize Aubree as one of their great grandchildren and who have wanted a picture of her for a long time. I haven't been able to emotionally pull out the cd to have copies made for them..It is just too hard to see all of those pictures so I have yet to do it. I am going to let someone else do it so she can have them. I was just so offended that they even said anything at all. How can someone be so insensitive? Yeah, I recognize that some of my family barely (if at all) acknowledged her death to begin with, but seriously? Have a heart! So..if something would have happened to one of their children then they wouldn't be in the book either because it is just too sad? Yeah right..I'm sure that is different because they actually lived...She was very much alive to me! I was just so hurt, and still am that they even said anything at all. I am going to tell my grandmother that Aubree was in the book, but they requested she be taken out because it was just too sad..it's not like she took up an entire page..it was just a small picture! My mom replaced the red dragonfly picture (our red dragonfly) in place of the actual picture with a different quote. I understand she is still in the book in some way, but it is just not the same. I just wish that everyone could understand just how important my daughter is to me and how you can't just cut her out of my family because she isn't here...I am her voice, and I feel like I have failed to represent her in my family by not fighting harder..
A friend of mine got this for me, and I think it says it perfectly:
"Just the Same"
I never got to hold you and bounce you on
my lap, I never got to read to you
or watch you as you nap. You slipped
away so quickly, before I said your name.
And yet I want the world to
know I loved you just the same.