Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Just Plain Offended..

I have kept my mouth shut, but I have boiled inside for a long time over this issue, and I think I have calmed down enough to actually write about it now. I went from an emotional high to an emotional low all in about a day last week. We have been working on a photo book with our entire family for my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary on Shutterfly to give to them as a memento of our families over the years. Each family was given a few pages to showcase their family. My mom and I worked on our page together, and she encouraged me to include a picture of Aubree since my grandmother has requested one. I put my favorite picture in with a quote that allowed anyone looking at the book to know that she was always remembered and loved. We finished our page and then I was relieved to be done with my part..A few days later my mom was talking to some of our family, and basically through conversation told my mother that it was just too sad to look at that picture and it was supposed to be a happy book..In other words..take the picture out. So..they wanted to cut one of my kids out of My family page..She is my daughter and has every right to be in that book..just like their kids do. I realize she wasn't "real" to them, but this is My page..not theirs! This book is also for my grandparents who recognize Aubree as one of their great grandchildren and who have wanted a picture of her for a long time. I haven't been able to emotionally pull out the cd to have copies made for them..It is just too hard to see all of those pictures so I have yet to do it. I am going to let someone else do it so she can have them. I was just so offended that they even said anything at all. How can someone be so insensitive? Yeah, I recognize that some of my family barely (if at all) acknowledged her death to begin with, but seriously? Have a heart! So..if something would have happened to one of their children then they wouldn't be in the book either because it is just too sad? Yeah right..I'm sure that is different because they actually lived...She was very much alive to me! I was just so hurt, and still am that they even said anything at all. I am going to tell my grandmother that Aubree was in the book, but they requested she be taken out because it was just too sad..it's not like she took up an entire page..it was just a small picture! My mom replaced the red dragonfly picture (our red dragonfly) in place of the actual picture with a different quote. I understand she is still in the book in some way, but it is just not the same. I just wish that everyone could understand just how important my daughter is to me and how you can't just cut her out of my family because she isn't here...I am her voice, and I feel like I have failed to represent her in my family by not fighting harder..

A friend of mine got this for me, and I think it says it perfectly:
"Just the Same"
I never got to hold you and bounce you on
my lap, I never got to read to you
or watch you as you nap. You slipped
away so quickly, before I said your name.
And yet I want the world to
know I loved you just the same.
-Anne Peterson


  1. I would be PISSED Amanda. Beyond pissed....

    I am so sorry. Like a dagger in the heart.

    And yes, you are her voice, and even if "they" don't want to hear it, I sure do!

  2. Oh Amanda my heart aches for you that is just so terrible I mean it's bad enough that other people do this but your family thats low. You are her voice who cares if they don't want to here it we all do much love my friend please call if you need anything<3

  3. I am so sorry that your family was so insensitive. I am sorry you are hurting as well. You are very sweet and kind (way to kind) and loving, to take the picture out. and I know I'm commenting late (sorry). I hope I'm not sounding mean or pushy when I say this but it is your grandparents book. Your grandmother asked for the picture this is not a book for the whole family so how was aubree's picture gonna be sad. If they were getting a copy of the book then they can take the picture out of their copy but as for you grandparents it was a request that she be in there. She has every right to be in there. This hurts my feelings just reading this. Sorry to babble on and I hope I'm not out of place. But sending you Love and lots' of HUGS.

  4. You are right on the dot Shandrea! I said the same thing..my immediate family was not the one who ordered the book so it essentially could have been edited out without us even knowing..My grandparents do not know about the book yet, but after they receive the book I am going to let them know that she was originally in the book..The problem is that they don't get it..they haven't ever experienced loss like this, but they aren't even really trying to be sensitive to my feelings..

    Thank you girls for the support. It is so nice to know that I am not out of line here..

  5. Oh I would be so mad!!! If your grandmother wants that pic in by gosh it should be in there and other people need to butt out!