A few weeks ago I was a real mess..my anxiety was at it's all time high and I was miserable. I tried acupuncture to try to help with anxiety, and I just ended up having a panic attack during which is not the reaction I was looking for. I usually love acupuncture and think it is more relaxing then a massage. I left feeling sick to my stomach and more emotional then I have been in weeks. I haven't gone back needless to say. It was not a fun experience at all. It was a few days after the New Year when I received a package in the mail from my Grandma's sister. It was a beautiful letter and a Promise Bible for Mothers. Her words really hit home as the tears began to flow..I noticed the date the letter was written..December 29th..that was the day of my acupuncture appointment. Was it a coincidence? I think not..One sentence that really still screams at me from her letter was, "The Lord loves you, Amanda." I know that, but sometimes I don't get it..I actually said aloud, "I hear you.." Since receiving her letter I have been trying harder to get myself together. I have been reading my Bible more, actually reading the devotionals that I have about loss, etc. I feel that I am healing. I have also started taking a natural drug called Gaba. It has been amazing for me because I feel less anxious, and I have actually felt happy again. New Year = new me..I have been finding peace within Psalms. All it took was a letter sent by my Grandma's sister who just seemed to know the right words. She used a beautiful way to describe life.."Life was like looking up at the backside of a woven tapestry. From our point of view, that tapestry looks like a tangled mess of threads and chaos. But from God's point of view looking down on it, He sees a very beautiful piece of work and a perfect design of pattern, etc." How right she is..I am so thankful to have people like that in my life even though they are not people that I know that well or even get to see very often.
I am a big fan of Faces of Loss and Faces of Hope and all that they are out to accomplish. They have just recently started a Face2Face campaign in which they are setting up support groups locally for people to get involved in and to get in touch with others who are dealing with loss face to face instead of just over the computer. They sent out a post on Facebook to get a feel for where people live and if they would be interested in something like this. I immediately became interested in becoming involved in a group. They were also asking for leaders for specific areas that could commit to a six month time frame. I was not interested in actually leading a group, but I definitely wanted to be involved in the group even though I didn't think anyone would start up one in my area specifically since we are pretty rural. I know there were some people from Pittsburgh who were interested though in beginning a group. I think I replied to this request a week or so ago, and I sort of forgot about it. We went to church yesterday morning and our Pastor challenged us to make a difference in other people's lives by getting involved in something that would reach out to others. I was sitting in church when all of a sudden it came to me that I needed to be a group leader for my area. I wasn't even thinking about Faces of Loss, but God told me that is what I was going to do. Again..I hear you!! So..I came home and signed up. Details to follow!! I have to figure out the logistics of when and where, but I am thinking that it will be informal regardless. I have stayed away from support groups because I can't stand the thought of sitting around and crying with others for an hour or so. That just doesn't sound like fun. I just want my group to be an informal way for us to know that we are not alone, and we can talk about whatever we want to even if we don't want to talk about what we have lost all of the time. We can help each other by not being so organized in our grief!! So..God has been speaking to me loudly these days, and I can finally say that I am ready to listen..On to healing and helping..