Friday, October 15, 2010

Bittersweet..



Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I have been thinking about my sweet baby girl today in many ways as well as the many other babies that have gone on to Heaven before us. I have been thinking of their wonderful mothers, fathers, families, etc., that have had to endure the pain of losing a child. There truly is nothing worse in my mind. We have had a very bittersweet day here at the Berk household. I learned first thing this morning that my nephew was born safely at around 7:30 and that he was doing really well at just 4 pounds, 10 oz. I was so thankful that both he and Connie were healthy! It is sort of a strange day in some ways because I am always going to celebrate his birthday on the same day that I mourn her loss.

I was doing Carley's hair this morning and talking to her about her new cousin when the dreaded question came up..."Mommy..will Baby Owen be sick like Baby Aubree?" I have learned to just let this roll off of me, but I still can't stand the fact that she is associating babies with sickness. I know that is all she knows right now, but it sort of bothers me that even Carley has an unhealthy view of birth, pregnancy, etc. I hope that we can change that in the future by just being around other healthy babies!

We decided to do a balloon release today for Aubree since it is the 15th. My kids fought over who got to hold the balloon so we finally agreed that we would all do it as a family while Mike took some pictures. I kept trying to stay together for the kids, but a few tears escaped when Carley told me that Jesus wanted Baby Aubree with Him. She is right. She also told me at least five times today that she missed Baby Aubree. I know she is just feeding off of me, but I wonder if she misses the idea of having a baby around since we made such a big deal about it last year. Who knows...I lit the candle that my best friend from high school got for Aubree at 7:00 in remembrance of her and all of those other babies that are with her now..I just hope she can feel the love that comes from us every day even though she is so far away from us. Tomorrow we will plant her tulips..

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