This morning in church we sang "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. I have always believed that this song has a great message being that we are told to praise God even though we may not be able to see through the rain..I was having a bad morning this morning, and I obviously needed this reminder today. I feel like I have been going along just fine, but I obviously allowed my emotions to get the better of me today. I haven't cried..just felt really down today for some reason. I'm not sure if it is the weather or what, but I just don't really feel "happy." There have been moments today that have made me laugh..Parker pointed to Mike's bellybutton and asked if that was his "bellybutt." He is so cute sometimes! I wonder if I truly will be able to see through the rain at times. I get so sad sometimes when I look at all of the babies around me..when do I get to have a living baby? I know that I have two children and that I should be thankful for that, but it is hard to forget the child that is not with us anymore. I miss her. I can't help it.
Today was the Day of Remembrance at Blue Spruce Park here, but we didn't go..In fact, we haven't gone to anything they have offered as of yet. It isn't that we aren't ready to go to this type of event..it is more like we don't really want to..I know that sounds terrible, but I really don't feel like surrounding myself with other people who are upset. I need to be around happiness right now in order to get through each day. I love the support that I get from all of my friends who have gone through this, but I just didn't feel like crying with people I don't know today. The support that gets me through is the people that are positive. I have heard that several of the people in this area are not positive at all..The lady who is in charge of the bereavement group at the hospital told me that we are one of two couples who keep her going..everyone else can't even get out of bed at times. I can't go back there. I need to keep going forwards so that is why we chose not to go. I honor Aubree every day when I think of her, pray for her, take care of the trees that were so lovingly planted for her..I look at so many people who are joining together this month because it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and I am so glad that they are supporting each other. I just didn't think I had it in me today to stand around and mourn Aubree and all of the other babies that were lost..I think about those women every day and the women who will be in my shoes at some point..I don't wish that on anyone, but I am so glad that there are events out there who are bringing these families together so they know they are not alone. I guess I just might not be ready to throw my physical being into those events just yet..
I do wonder if this whole world would be different if we all were able to "Praise You In This Storm."