Thursday, June 10, 2010
I am just so tired of "perfection." I swear it is all that I see all around me. I am tired of the "perfect" families, "perfect" kids, "perfect" timing, and just plain "perfect" lives. I am sure that those families are not really "perfect" once you look deeper, but in my head they seem to have it all..I just feel like there are so many things in my life that have not gone in a way that I would have wanted so why should some people be able to get everything they want in the way that they want? It just doesn't seem fair! When I complained about this to my therapist, and went on to say that I'm sure they will face some sort of heartache at some point in their life she told me that wasn't necessarily true..There really are "perfect" people out there! Of course they aren't truly perfect because there is only one person who ever was..I have so much to be thankful for and so many people kindly remind me of that, but I also have one big thing in my life that is not really something that I want to be thankful for. I am allowed to be mad about her dying, and I am allowed to wallow in self pity sometimes just as long as I don't do it all of the time because that is certainly not how I want to live my life. I guess I just know way too many people who have drawn really great cards in life. I guess you could have said the same about me pre-Aubree..There really isn't an answer to why some people never have to face heartache, but I guess I just need to accept that because life is unfair. I think of all of the families who have had it tens time worse then me..how is that fair to them? I remember feeling guilty for being upset over how long it took us to get pregnant with Carley because there are people out there who never get pregnant or that it took them over 10 years to get pregnant..I realize how "perfect" my life is in many ways, but it is still really hard to not feel like it could have been so much more "perfect..." It's been a rough week..