Fear

I am so thankful for all of the wonderful family and friends that we have in our lives. It has really helped having my sisters and their families here to distract me in some ways from what is to come tomorrow. I feel like I have been so strong this week for the most part. I can't say that I have been able to keep it together all of the time, but I have been trying to stay on top of myself for the most part. One woman who lost a child to Trisomy gave me this advice...you are doing ok as long as keep getting out of bed each morning. She's right. Each day that I get out of bed is a good thing because I am forcing myself to keep going.

I am starting to panic about burying her tomorrow. How do you bury your child? The thought of my beautiful baby girl being put in the ground is almost too much. I can't stand to think about her body decaying in the ground..I know it is just her body and that she is just as beautiful if not more beautiful where she is now, but it is just hard to think about as her mother...You never want to think of your child in that way. I know that tomorrow is going to be really hard for me..the songs we are playing at her memorial are going to be hard enough! I am just going to continue praying for strength. As I said before..God isn't going to abandon me now!

I have been receiving several sympathy cards and flowers..I truly appreciate it all. I can't say they are easy to get or easy to read..we are supposed to be receiving congratulatory cards and flowers...It is just all wrong in so many ways. I do have to say that we have received two cards in particular that have really made sense to me. Those two people were able to say exactly the right things. A special thanks to Dan's mom and dad as well as my Aunt Neasie.

I keep waiting for Aubree to wake up and for this nightmare to be over. I keep thinking that this can't really be happening. It doesn't really feel real in some ways. I know it is going to feel real when I am around all of the other babies that are due at the same time as Aubree was. I am hoping that I have strength to get through that as well. I know that we will be ok, but I also know that it is going to take time. I want to be a happy person again, and I am going to trust that God will keep me on the path of peace..