You Just Never Know..

Today was my great aunt's 95th birthday...wow..how many people get to live that long and still look good? She is really doing well for her age, and she is so thankful to have lived to spend so much time with all of us. They had a small party for her today at the place that she lives..I wasn't sure if I was going to go since I wasn't really ready to see all of my family just yet, but my new mentality set in, and I just thought to myself..you just never know...I didn't want to be selfish and let my emotions keep me away from such an important celebration in someone's life. She is 95...you just never know when that might be the last time I get to see her living. I put on my brave face and went to celebrate this wonderful birthday with her and the rest of my family. My kids really helped me through it, and it also helped to talk about my house..thank goodness that is what people asked me about..I just can't talk about Aubree especially today..My kids really had fun exercising at the senior center and "playing" Checkers. Parker mostly had fun eating the chocolate covered apples out of the edible arrangement..in reality he really only ate the dark chocolate off of the apples and handed the rest to me..He is my son that's for sure! I laughed so hard at Parker when he brought out some resistance cords from the exercise room because he actually stood on them and tried to use them correctly..he really does pay attention to what I am doing! That kid is way too smart for his own good sometimes! He sure does brighten my day though with all of his laughter and his smiles. Carley has really turned into a little mother these days..she is always so concerned about me, and she wants to make sure I'm taken care of....what would I do without her to get me through? I look at my entire family, and I can't help but be thankful for what I have...they all are special in their own way, and they all have a way of bringing a smile to my face even when things are rough..

As for me today..I have been in a bit of a panic since this morning because I haven't really felt much from Aubree. I know that her time could be up at any minute, and that is so hard for me to accept sometimes. I just keep thinking that she is going to make it for a while, and after today I'm not sure that is the case..I know that every day is a gift, and I know that there is never a guarantee to how long she will live...I just keep thinking..not today, not today..I haven't had enough time...I have no choice in the matter when it comes to this or to anything really...I just don't feel like I am ready to let her go just yet..I'm not really sure I will ever feel that way though..I did go for a walk with Mike just to get out in the sun for a bit, and as I was walking I had a sense of peace wash over me..I know that I can't change this situation, and I know that God is in control so if he is ready for her then I have to accept that whether I want to or not. All I ask is that you pray for us right now because we are going to need a lot of support and strength to get through this...This verse really helps me to remember what a gift she is to me..

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
Psalm 139:16-18