Monday, February 15, 2010

Reality

Today I had to go see my regular OB/GYN for my routine check-up...I got in relatively quickly which was a shock since there was a whole waiting room full of people once we got there, maybe one perk in this whole mess? I then didn't have to do the glucose test because she is already so small already, and I never had problems with diabetes with my other two..not really the main concern I guess! I was being so strong until my doctor walked in..he asked if I had the results of the amnio, and I just broke down...He actually held me and cried with me..he just kept saying how sorry he was...This is the reason I chose this man to deliver my children..he is one in a million, and he knows the pain better than anyone since he too lost his child...He did share a bit more with us today about those times, and it is obviously something that still rocks him to the core..I am not sure you ever really get over losing your child...Regardless..he made it very clear that he will stand by me, and he will get me through this. He also made it clear that he did not think a c-section is even an option for me being that I delivered my other two vaginally, and he doesn't want to do that to me. He is such a wonderful man, and Aubree deserves to have him as her doctor just as much as my other two did..

I then went over to visit with my best friend since it is her 30th birthday today..I haven't seen her since we found out all of this, and I was excited to finally get a hug from her since our only contact was through the phone...I was sad that I had to miss her birthday party on Saturday night, but I was just not ready for a crowd..I am still not for that matter! It was so nice to spend the afternoon crying, laughing, and just plain catching up. She thinks she isn't a strong person...she is so wrong about that..she is an amazing person who doesn't give herself enough credit. I couldn't get through this without her help. She has been so supportive and she has done so many things for me already..I know she is going to be doing a lot more in the future for us in terms of holding me together! It was so nice being able to spend some time with her kids too..they are such blessings, and I am so glad that I have had the opportunity of watching them grow thus far! She has felt so much grief in her life, and she knows what is coming for me..she is scared about it as am I, but I know that we are all going to get through it together with God's help.

As I was leaving she gave me two gifts for my kids, and a gift for Mike and I...I had no idea what to expect. As I got up the courage to read all of the cards (I was a bit tired of crying today..) I was amazed at how many people truly care about us..Each and every card said such beautiful things to us, and their support is so amazing...We truly have found some wonderful people in our small town... I am so thankful for the prayer shawl and for the gifts for my children...I will be getting a lot of use out of the shawl I'm sure...it is a good reminder of God's love for us..For those of you out there...you know who you are..thank you for your love and support..your kindness truly means the world to us, and we are so thankful to have you in our lives...

I was driving home in yet another snowstorm when the song "More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz came on the radio. As I was listening to the words I was reminded of Aubree...There could honestly not be a more beautiful little girl in the world...I smiled through my tears, and I agreed with the artist on so many levels...What a gift she is to me and to everyone that knows of her...I will leave you with the lyrics to the chorus which are what speaks to me the most...

THERE COULD NEVER BE A MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU
DON’T BUY THE LIES DISGUISES AND HOOPS THEY MAKE YOU JUMP THROUGH
YOU WERE MADE TO FILL A PURPOSE THAT ONLY YOU COULD DO
SO THERE COULD NEVER BE A MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU

Aubree might not be perfect in body, but she was made perfectly in God's eyes..she has a purpose in this world...we just don't know exactly the extent of that just yet..we are only just learning little bits and pieces of it..

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