Saturday, April 3, 2010

April Showers

Normally the saying "April showers bring May flowers" would make me smile and think about all of the beautiful flowers that are coming, but it has a different meaning to me this month. I am finding that as we get further and further into April I am getting more and more sad..She was due this month, and I would be about 3 weeks from delivering her today..I just can't seem to shake the feeling that she is still coming..I know it is wishful thinking, but I just wish that it was true. I went this afternoon to pick up my charm from the jeweler. It is exactly what I wanted..a bit bigger than I thought I would want, but it really is perfect. I did fine picking it up until I got in the car and really took a look at it around my neck. That alone was upsetting because we should have just been adding her birthstone to my stork. I turned the car on and of course the Steven Curtis Chapman song was playing..I yelled.. It was hard enough to just get the charm let alone to hear that song when I am already feeling so upset. Maybe He was just telling me again that Aubree is doing ok and not to worry so much about her.. I don't know. I just know that April is bringing more "showers" then I would like it to. Maybe I just need to accept that April might be a tough month for me.

1 comment:

  1. Amanda,

    Hannah was due February 18 and I spent every day in February up until that day full of anxiety and such terrible sadness. I was dreading that day. But when it came I was ok. My husband, my son and I spent that day together and remembered her. We laughed and cried and loved her and each other. I felt that dread and pain lifted and God just wrapping His arms around us. It wasn't as bad of a day as I was anticipating.

    I would love to see a picture of Aubree's charm. I wear a mother of pearl heart around my neck everyday with some of Hannah's ashes in it.

    Lots of love,