Sunshine..

I am so thankful that we are having some beautiful weather today, and we are supposed to keep it through the weekend as well. I always feel so much better once I am out in the sun for a while. It really does improve my mood..unless I am yelling at one of my kids because they are running towards the road, throwing mud at each other, throwing rocks, etc..:) It is never a dull moment outside with my kids! I love to watch them play though because there is so much joy found in the dirt that is our yard. I wish I could find joy in things like dirt too. I tend to just get annoyed when they start throwing it..maybe I should start to throw some too because maybe I am missing out on something..

We have had my mom and dad's puppy this week because they are in Portland for my sister's graduation. She is the first in our family to get her graduate degree..yay Amber! I am so proud of her..I couldn't wait to be finished with school whereas she can't wait to go back. She claims she is still not finished yet. I think she will make a wonderful professor someday! Anyways. I have been really enjoying Maya in every way because she is so needy. She wants me to hold her all of the time, and I have to constantly watch out for her because she is too small to realize the trouble she can get into if left to do as she pleases. It almost feels like having a baby around..almost..I find myself rocking her, kissing her head, and just snuggling with her whenever I get the chance. I know I'm not crazy, but it just feels so good to be needed..My kids have just become so independent, and they don't need me for the same things anymore. They are growing up..it kills me that I don't even have a crib set up in my house anymore. I don't have any more babies..

I have been reading through Matthew, and I was struck by how many people were healed by Jesus..why were so many people healed back then when so many people aren't now? What is the difference? Is it because it was before he was crucified and he was physically walking the Earth? I don't know..I can remember a conversation Mike and I had after we got Aubree's initial diagnosis..We were talking about how God could heal her if he wanted to, but why would be choose us when so many others had to lose their children..I just keep trying to wrap my head around all of this. I know how powerful faith can be because how can you explain the tumors that mysteriously disappear or the cancer that is suddenly gone..I just don't understand what those people have that I don't..what am I missing? Jesus states, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worth of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39..maybe that is my answer..maybe I loved her too much..