I have been feeling like I might have the plague lately since everyone seems to be avoiding me that is either pregnant or just had a baby. I feel like they think I am contagious or something. I think it is just hard for them to see me because I am a constant reminder to them of what could go wrong. I know I am probably just being paranoid, but it really bothers me. I am sure they just don't know what to say to me or feel badly about being pregnant because they feel like they are just rubbing salt in the wound..I am just trying to be myself, and I am trying to be genuinely happy for my pregnant friends and those who just had babies. The only part that is hard for me is that I miss Aubree..I am happy that they are able to have healthy babies. I will always be happy for people who are having babies, but I will not ever be able to say that there will not be sadness mixed in with those feelings. My baby is gone when theirs are so alive...She won't get to grow up playing with them. I will never get to hold her again in my arms here on Earth. I am so thankful for the friends and family who still talk to me or have just recently told me of their pregnancies..They make me feel like I am still me, and that I really don't have the dreaded plague..
I have been reading through Job lately, and the first few chapters have really been speaking to me. Job went through so much, but he didn't turn his back on God. This verse really spoke to me ..."Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 2:10..We want to only accept the good, but he does put "trouble" into our lives for a reason. I don't always believe it is a test like it was for Job, but it does show our true relationship with Jesus though. We will either turn our backs instantly, or we will keep having faith that God will provide. It is so much easier to just turn our backs to God then to just accept what he has in store for us if it is not what we want for ourselves. Job went through agony, but because he never lost faith he was given twice as much as he had before..he was rewarded. I truly believe that God has good things planned for me as long as I keep believing that He is in control of my life..He knows what is best for me. I also need to keep remembering that Aubree is in the best hands..