Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Do you ever think that you are slightly invincible? I used to think that way..You always hear about bad things happening to people you know or on the news, but you never really expect it to happen to you. I was in the shower (where I do most of my thinking these days it seems) when it came to me that I should never have felt that way. Did I think I was better then everyone else? Mike just says that it is human nature to think that way, but in reality we should never think that way. Bad things can happen to any of us. That doesn't mean we should live our lives in fear and never take any chances because of the what if factor, but we also need to realize that we are not invincible. I just can't believe that I could have ever thought that I would be free from tragedy when so many other people have tragic things happen to them time and time again. God really threw me to me knees when all of this happened. I think I was in need of a big reality check. He definitely got my attention..

I keep wondering if this cloud of sadness that has settled over me will soon leave me. Everyone keeps asking me if I feel differently since her due date has come and gone. I really don't have an answer to that because I don't feel anything. I don't feel like I have been relieved from my grief, and I don't feel like I have just become happy again either. I am still sad because now we are in the part where she would have been here, and I would have been able to hold her, love her, kiss her, etc. I just feel numb. I'm not crying much anymore because I don't really feel like I have much left to cry. I'm sure it is still in there and will resurface at some point, but right now I just feel spent in every aspect. Life goes on I suppose...

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