Monday, March 8, 2010

All Moved In..Sort Of...

I haven't been able to post much lately, and I probably won't be able to for another few days until we get our internet up and running at the new house. We are finally moved in to our new house, but we have a lot of unpacking to do unfortunately. I am just excited that I can finally see my kitchen. I wasn't sure that was ever going to happen since we just kept unpacking box and after box in the kitchen area. I can say that I absolutely love my new house though...I am so excited to have so much space. I have so many cabinets that barely have anything in them, and I even have closets that are almost empty. I know that won't last though...The kids are adjusting to the new house pretty well. Carley is fine, but Parker is not a fan of his big boy bed. He gets excited to sleep in it, but he won't stay in bed at all. He keeps coming downstairs and telling us he woke up. We did have to put a gate on his room door to keep him in there, and he keep finding him asleep right behind the door on the floor. Needless to say he is back in his crib tonight. He just isn't ready yet for that since he has had so many other changes at the same time. I'm sure he will be ready at some point.

I am adjusting to being on our own again. It is quiet during the day during naps, but I am able to get a lot done so I can't complain. Aubree's room has turned into the time-out room since it is empty. I am starting to warm up to the idea of making it a guest bedroom since the longer it sits empty the more it screams what is missing. I still can't even go in there..I just need more time I guess. I went to the grocery store yesterday for the first time in weeks. I saw a few people I knew, and I wasn't able to keep it together as well as I would have liked. When I was talking to them briefly I think I did ok, but as soon as I was out of their sight I was fighting back tears. I actually sobbed the entire way home because I feel like I am never going to be able to be in public again. I haven't even been able to call my best friend..when will I be able to do that? I have tried to return to normal, but it just seems to take so much energy sometimes. I just don't want to seclude myself in my house forever..

I got a beautiful letter in the mail today from my mom's college roommate that also shares a name with myself and with Miss Aubree...it really made me glad that Aubree shares her name..she is one amazing person, and I am glad that we have her in our lives...It is definitely a name worth passing on...I still continue to get cards in the mail from people in our community, and it really helps to know that we have so many people praying for us through this. I know I keep saying this, but I know we are going to get through..sometimes I just need to keep repeating it to make myself believe it too..Every day brings new challenges, and just when I feel like I am turning a corner I go back about twenty steps. I know this is all part of the process, but I am hoping that I can just keep going forwards at some point...I just need to be patient I guess.

I am looking forward to seeing everyone and to having everyone over to my house once I feel like I am able to actually communicate with them. I think I should start small and maybe work my way up to crowds..that might actually be good for me to at least see someone..I just feel badly for my kids..I don't want them to become anti-social just because I am...they need friends just as much as I do..I just need to keep on pushing myself...I think it would do us all some good to see a new face around our house...

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