Saturday, March 20, 2010

A Happy Yet Sad Day..

Today was supposed to be a fun day for Mike and I since we were going to celebrate our seven year anniversary by going to the winery in Smicksburg. It was a fun day in many ways because we were able to just talk without kids screaming in the background or talking over us for once. We also ate two meals out today without agonizing over what to order for Parker since he won't eat anything or worrying about what on the menu should be dairy free for was nice to just worry about what I wanted to eat for once! Anyways. We found some really cute country signs at The Drying Shed that pretty much said it all for us..One of them was the Serenity Prayer which is something that I have been living my life by since our struggle with infertility. I had a copy of it on my refrigerator when we were going through that, and then my cousin actually just recently sent me a bracelet with it on it. As soon as I saw it today I knew that it needed to be posted in my house somewhere so others can benefit from it too. This particular one only has the first verse on it, but it still says a lot in just those few words. The other sign that I found that had particular meaning to me said, "When God Closes One Door, He Opens Another." I truly believe that is going to happen for us whether it be another child or whether it be some other aspect of life that we have yet to experience. We shall see I guess. I did run into a few family members at Thee Village Eatinghouse, but it was perfectly fine talking to them. I'm not sure if they didn't realize it was me who had the baby or if they just didn't know what to say because it never got mentioned at all which was fine by me since I had just been teary with one of the waitresses there. She has known my mom for years, and she was upset about Aubree and for all of us..It was nice to see her friendly face today though.

After we finished up in Smicksburg we went to visit Aubree which was the tough part of the day. I bought a cross to mark her grave for the time being until we can get her a proper headstone/grave marker. We tried to go and look at some today (I stuff on an anniversary celebration day), but the place is only open for appointments on Saturdays. I will have to go and look at some myself during the week sometime and maybe get some brochures so Mike can look too..It was so nice to "see" her, but it was so hard to be there again. I know she was looking down at me and telling me not to be so sad, but I just can't help it. I just kept picturing her little body in her casket down in the ground. I just wanted to dig her up and pick her up again. I wish I could get past the picking her up again..I find myself wanting to pick Parker up all of the time..he's not a big fan all of the time, but he usually lets me most of the time. Mike worries that I will continue to baby him forever...he is my baby after all...After visiting with Aubs (as we like to call her even though we were going to call her Bree for short) we went to see my aunt and uncle's new kitchen. It is beautiful. They used the same cabinet people that we did, and they did a good job on theirs too. I just love their has so much character. The granite they chose is really pretty too. It is just so different then what it was before so it will take some getting used to. Ever since I can remember the kitchen has been the same with bright yellow countertops..I will miss those countertops in some ways because that kitchen holds so many fond memories from my childhood..The new kitchen will just hold many new memories I guess..

I have been meaning to get something to wear to represent Aubree since I wear my stork with the birthstones of the other two kids. I had originally seen an angel that I wanted to wear with my stork, but Mike thinks that I should go in to see Gary Wyant here in town. He made our wedding bands and my other ring (that I get compliments on a lot) so we thought he might have some good ideas. We are thinking about redoing my stork pendant in a way that will allow for an angel to put with it instead of just wearing two different pendants on the same chain. Both of my kids (and myself) have blue colored birthstones. All three colors are different, but they are all a shade of blue. Aubree's birthstone was supposed to be a diamond, but since she was born in February it is an amethyst which is purple. You wouldn't think that would be strange except for the fact that purple has been my favorite color since I was a little girl, and it is the favorite color of my mom's college friend Hope..we all know where Aubree and my middle name came from...I love that I get to wear purple in memory of her..We tried to see Gary today, but he was closed by the time we got into town so we just went to Nap's for our anniversary dinner. It was so quiet, and the food was as good as always so it was a nice way to end our day..

I heard a song today that really put a smile on my face because it truly makes you feel like a little kid in some ways. It is called "Oh, Happiness" by David Crowder Band. Mike said he heard him talking on K-Love this week about the song, and David Crowder said the song makes you think there are rainbows and sunshine pouring out of your speakers. I think I have to agree with made me happy..I didn't quite see the rainbows just yet, but it still made me happy. I just love David Crowder Band in so many ways. He is such an interesting charater in many ways, but he is so on fire for God. I think that he really appeals to the younger generation not only because of the way he dresses, performs, or type of music that he sings, but also because he is able to make them see that you don't have to look a certain way in order to be a Christian or act a certain way..You can be unique, have your own sense of style, or just plain be yourself..God doesn't care about what we look like, what we wear, etc. He only cares about what our heart looks like. I think that I will play this song for my kids this week because I think they will like it.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
and supremely happy in this life.
Forever in the next.


1 comment:

  1. Amanda...the serenity prayer was also a HUGE help to me through our infertility struggle. I am praying for you still. Hope you had a good anniversary celebration. Love you.