Friday, March 19, 2010

Silence..

My house is completely silent for once. I thought that I would enjoy some time to myself, but I actually cried once the kids left. I really don't like being alone without my family. Even Roxie went to the camp..she didn't want to be left behind with boring old me I guess. She was just as excited as the other two were to be going this morning. I am glad they will all have some fun. It will be nice for Mike and I to have a chance to catch up too..It has been too long since we have even been able to have a normal conversation or even sit down for longer then half an hour at a time. I hope we get a lot done and we get to relax a bit too. I could also use some sleep..I haven't been sleeping that well lately for some reason. I feel like I go to sleep, but I keep waking up. I never feel rested when I get up in the mornings because I spend most of the night looking at the clock. I don't really have anything running through my head, but I am also not able to sleep..not sure why that is. I must have more going on in there then I think..

I was looking forward to actually seeing some of my mom friends this morning, but that of course did not work out. My cooktop has a burner that is not working so we called Whirlpool to have them set up an appointment to get it fixed since it is still under warranty. I did only use it one time! They set up an appointment for Tuesday, but they guy was so overbooked that he needed to reschedule for this afternoon..he ended up coming this morning instead so that ruined my morning plans. I am hoping to see someone in the near future. It is starting to get really lonely around here, and I am afraid I might just become a permanent hermit if I allow it to go on much longer! The appliance guy was really nice though..he has seven girls! He also lost a little girl..wow..It is amazing how many people have experienced this type of loss. He went on to have more children and he is really happy so hopefully we can be that way too. He also commented about us having twins next time around..we have heard that three or four times now..not sure about that one, but if that is what God wants for us then so be it! He even lost his entire house in a fire in 2005...he kept commenting about how God has been so good to them..God just keeps on sending people my way that are wonderful reminders of God's love. He also keeps reminding me that he will continue to bless me. It is just so amazing how heavy my heart is, but I feel so at peace because I know that God is in control. Once I gave him full control of my life I felt such a burden being lifted from my life. Everyone continues to say how they don't know how I am getting through..If they would give up control of their lives too they would know how...I am still sad every day, but I know that something better is coming...in more ways then one!

I continue to see progress every day in my life. I have been able to talk on the phone without crying, talk to random people without crying, and I have been able to smile again. I know there are still going to be some bad days, but I also know that each day is going to get easier and easier because time does truly heal..I just need to continue being patient for the time being. I am sure that I will always have an empty feeling in my heart because Aubree is missing, but I am hoping that the feeling will not feel so large at some point.

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