Sometimes I Drive Myself Crazy!

I have been researching wooden swing sets for my kids for about two weeks now. The one that I finally decided on is out of stock, and we can't even get it anymore..figures! I am not the kind of person who can just make a decision and buy something. I have to make sure that it is a good buy for the money. I know way too many people who have bought things because they look good, but they end up complaining about how it fell apart on them. If I am going to spend a decent amount of money on something I want to make sure it is of good quality. I also like to find the best price too for something so I end up driving myself crazy until I actually buy it..I can say that I have done good so far though. I researched jogging strollers until I thought I might seriously have to commit myself, but the one I bought was worth every penny and every ounce of energy I put into my research. It made buying my duallie much easier since I went with the same manufacturer. I just hope that I can find a swing set that won't fall apart after one summer..I am starting to get more relaxed about this kind of stuff, but I am still not a spur of the moment type of buyer. I am just getting sick of looking at stuff that I like, and then I see the price and realize we won't be able to make a house payment or two if we purchase some of the ones that get such good reviews! I'm sure we will find the right one eventually..

I talked to one of the nurses from the hospital yesterday because she has Aubree's "gift" birth certificate and some pictures she took as well. I need to find a time to get together with her. She was one of the amazing nurses who treated Aubree like she was alive. I know that she has had a lot of training in order to deal with these types of situations, but she really went over and above what would be expected of her. I think it probably has to do with the fact that she is such a grandmotherly type person to begin with. She was very caring and she made us feel like we weren't crazy for how we were feeling. She has been mentioning this support group that our hospital has, and I have thought about going because it might do me some good to actually talk about how I am feeling. I am just so unsure about crying in front of people I don't know. That is so hard for me so I think that might be my hesitation. I have no problems crying in front of my family, but actually doing it in front of strangers even though they completely understand just sounds scary to me. I know that I need to get over that because I think it might be good for my healing process. Others have suggested grief counseling which is also something I have considered, but I feel like I am doing ok right now on my own. Maybe that is because I have been keeping myself busy with other things right now..like swing set research! :) I did bring out the Raffi cd this morning, and we danced and sang like we used to..Carley was pretty excited to hear her favorite song from when she was a baby.."Baby Beluga" was the only thing that could soothe her sometimes..not sure why it did but it worked! I have learned that sometimes you just don't ask questions! I am still trying to just take things one day at a time, and I will see how well I do with this in the coming month or so before I make any decisions about counseling. It still does break my heart when Parker sees her picture and says, "There's baby Aubree." I'm not sure he really gets it, but he knows in some way that she is his sister...