Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Island Coconut..

I am so excited because I got my box of Island Coconut today..summer is coming! For those of you who don't know what I am talking about it is a seasonal K-cup that only comes out at this time of year. It is a good one too! I am really looking forward to getting all of the sun's benefits. It truly helps to brighten my mood. Today is not one of those days because it is so damp and cold. I feel sort of blah today in some ways thanks to the weather. We can't have days that are refreshing every day I guess. It would be nice to wake up every day feeling that way though. In some ways reading God's word is refreshing so maybe that is really the answer...

I really don't have too much to say today for some reason. Like I said before it is just one of those days..Mike and I did look at some of Aubree's things last night in remembrance of her one-month birthday in Heaven. He is just doing so well with all of this now. He thinks it was worse for him the month before she died because there were so many unknowns. He feels like he is able to move on now. I do believe we have been grieving since the moment we found out she was going to die, but I don't know if it is easier now..I know that many people think that the timing of everything was for the best because I would have had two more months of worry. I guess I did worry about when she would pass and how the delivery would go. I didn't wake up every morning wondering if today would be her last day though because I never thought she would die before my due date. She was so strong so it never occurred to me that she wouldn't make it. I truly thought she would pass either during labor or shortly after. I know that it would have been harder for me emotionally had it gone on much longer, but I also know that I would have loved to have that time with her since it is all I had. I feel like I was gypped in many ways because I wasn't able to get the last two months with her when I already wasn't going to get a lifetime with her. I really would have loved to have met her alive even if it was for just one breath..I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through this can truly understand where I am coming from, and I know that most people just think that because they hated to see me in so much pain. I just have to remember that God obviously felt like this was the best thing for me though even if it wasn't the way that I wanted her birth to go. Maybe it would have been too hard for me, and I wouldn't have been doing as good as I am now had it gone on much longer...


  1. I just had a cup of Island Coconut...oh man...it is better than I ever remembered it!

  2. (((hugs))) Women definately grieve differently than men, especially with the loss of a child. Keeping you in my prayers. If you ever need a friend, I am always here. (klarsen17@yahoo.com)