Sunday, March 21, 2010


I am in such a good mood today for many reasons. I got up and went to church this morning which was a huge step in the right direction for me. I did "hide" in the back balcony, but we were not able to stay hidden from everyone so I did have to talk to a few people but that went well regardless. Mike and I then went to the grocery store, and I ran into one of my mom friends and her husband. I haven't talked to her in a while, and it was so nice to see her happy face again. Just seeing her really makes me realize how much I miss everyone. I really need to just get out there and see people again..I like being in other people's company way too much to just sit at home being all depressed by myself. I did show off my favorite picture of Aubree too without crying I might add! I only teared up once or twice so far today so I am really making progress in that department. It was just nice to get out and enjoy this beautiful day too...Another reason I am in a good mood is that I had a great weekend with Mike. I didn't really get any more unpacking done, but I was able to spend some much needed quality time with Mike. It was just nice to reconnect again and to just sit down and watch a movie together. We watched New Moon last was just as good as it was the first time I saw it. Mike hadn't seen it so we just went out and bought it on Blu-Ray. I just love Twilight..I am such a teenager at heart I guess! The love that Edward has for Bella can make any girl or woman jealous! I have to say that I feel pretty loved though too so I can't complain! The last reason I am in good mood is that my kids are coming home today! Even though life is so much easier without having them here because I can run errands much easier, my house is clean, and it is just easier to get things done period, I miss them like crazy. I like the chaos they add to my life. Even when they are sleeping it is still nice to know they are right upstairs. I think we all need time away from those we love at times, but it is so nice when we get to be with them again!

I was invited to a baby shower today for a good friend of mine, and I debated about going for a long time. I finally realized that I just wasn't ready to attend something like that especially since her little girl is due just two days before Miss Aubree was due. I am so happy for them, but I just can't be around baby stuff right now. It is just too hard emotionally for me. I still smile when I see a baby, but I do feel like a knife is being put in my heart when I see them because I won't get to do the things they are doing with their babies. I know it is normal to feel that way, but I just want to be happy for people without the "buts." I keep praying that God will give me strength to just look at all of the babies around me and not to always think about Aubree being gone. I do love to hold babies so I am hoping I can hold their little ones without feeling a huge sense of loss. We shall see when that times comes I guess.

I love the idea of Spring thanks to Mike. I never really would have classified it as my favorite season, but it is becoming more and more that way every year. Spring not only has my favorite flowers associated with it, but it holds the idea of new growth. I always wanted to get married in the fall, but Mike first of all didn't want to wait that long, and secondly he just wanted to get married in the spring. I had no idea why since everything is still so dead, but once he told me that because spring represented new growth and he wanted this to be like our life together I was convinced it was the best season to get married in. I had never realized until that moment just how deep he can be sometimes! So..spring represents our anniversary too. I have been married to my best friend for seven years. How many people can say that their husbands are the person that they would want to do just about anything with? He has always been so much fun to be around, and I really enjoy spending time with him since we like to do the same things. Tomorrow marks our seven years together so it will be a happy day, but yet it will be a really sad day because it marks the one month anniversary of Aubree's passing. Our love for each other grows stronger and stronger each day as a result of her in many ways though so in some ways I am honored to share tomorrow with her..

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