Progress

I feel like I am slowly making progress even if it is a slow process. I ran into a friend at the grocery store last night, and I was able to actually talk to her without sobbing. I could even look her in the eyes at times which is something that I haven't been able to do in quite some time. It actually felt good to talk to someone, and I found myself smiling at times. That is a huge step for me, and after we finished our conversation it really wasn't as scary being at the grocery store anymore. Maybe Mike is right in that each thing that I get through will make the next thing even easier. I felt ready to see Heather this morning even if it didn't work out for us because Miss Carley decided to get a cold...My kids have been so healthy all winter and now they have to get a cold...I hope Parker doesn't get it because his colds always go to his chest and he sounds like a seal...She isn't acting funny at all..just sounds awful! I feel so badly for my kids when they are sick. As a parent you just want to take away all of their pain. I know we all have to experience pain in our lives, but you truly don't want your children to have to go through it if you can help it. That is just ingrained in a parent I think..We truly can't help it!

Mike and I were finally able to sit down last night for the first time in a long time and actually watch some tv together. It felt nice to not be up running around doing something for once. We still have a lot left to do, but they are all little things that really aren't that important so they can get done when we get to them. I actually need to go through the clothing bins downstairs though so we can reorganize them so they can be put on the shelf that Mike is building. I just need to do it instead of putting it off..it might help make the basement look a bit more organized once I do..I am ok as long as I don't go in the garage or in the basement right now because that is where all of the boxes and messes are. I guess I could say the same about the playroom right now though too because it is a mess thanks to my kids! They don't like organization so they must have gotten that gene from elsewhere..

I feel a bit archaic in that we went back to dial-up..it is "High speed" dial-up, but it is still so darn slow. We don't have much of a choice in the country unless you want to pay an arm and a leg for satellite internet. We were going to go with WildBlue, but there is currently at least a 90 day wait list for it..I don't think I could have gone over three months without internet..a week was bad enough! Hughesnet is very expensive, and our neighbors are not that crazy about it so we decided not to go that route. We are hoping that Verizon will pick us up at some point since they have been talking about or that another provider will pick us up. I think that there was some talk about IUP trying to get a network out there for their rural students that would be much faster for us country folk! We shall see I guess. We just didn't want to get locked into a contract right now if something better is coming in the next year or so..I am keeping my fingers crossed because I have been trying to download Itunes on my new computer for the last two days. I downloaded the wrong one the first time, got disconnected twice now, and I am hoping for a good result this time around..I guess we will find out in about 8 hours...yeah..you read that right..archaic!

I started to do a bit of exercising this morning...I am not going crazy at all. I just did a few sit-ups, used my resistance cords, and rode the bike for a bit. I just really need to get back to myself..I feel fine so I am hoping that all will be fine. It has been three weeks today so I'm sure it will be fine. I just hate feeling "fat" when I don't even have a baby as a reason for why I look like this..I just really need to be able to wear all of my clothes and feel comfortable in them instead of picking through the ones that aren't as tightly fitting. I know that it takes time to get back to your normal weight, but I am in a really big hurry this time around due to the fact that it is just another reminder..I have started to lose some weight so I at least feel good about that...I still have a ways to go before I am happy though. I didn't gain as much this time around so hopefully it will come off quickly once I can exercise fully. I really just want to be me again. I know that takes time, but I really miss the girl I was before..