Last night we went outside to play after dinner, and we decided that we would let two of Parker's birthday balloons go for Aubree since she wasn't able to attend Parker's birthday celebration. The kids were concerned about how she would get them, but I reassured them that Aubree would be "getting" them in Heaven. We talked about letting them go, but once they were given the ok to do so they didn't want to let go. We finally convinced them to let go on the count of three..Carley let go first and then Parker did. They really enjoyed watching the balloons go up in the sky and out of sight. Being the sap that I am these days I cried watching them vanish because of the fact that she couldn't be there to celebrate his birthday with us. I did so good all day until that moment, and it was all downhill from there it seemed like. I sort of feel like the kids did at the moment they were told to let go of the balloons..they didn't want to. I don't ever want to let go of her. I was looking at her pictures yesterday, and it felt like she was just in the other room and that I could just go pick her up at any time I wanted to. I know that I have slowly been letting go of her in some ways. I let go in a big way the day that I held her for the last time and left her at the hospital. I also let go in a big way when we buried her. I truly believe I am still in denial about this whole thing..it is almost like it never even happened. It was just so horrible, and it couldn't possibly have really happened..I really wonder when it will set in that this is real, and she is NEVER coming back..
Mike and I watched "The Blind Side" last night. It was just as good as we anticipated. I love football movies for some reason, and it was one of those with a feel-good message to it. You can never go wrong with those kind of movies. It also had some humor in it which was good because it made me laugh after the balloon incident. The movie made me really sad though because it made me think about all of the kids out there who never get the chance that he did..No one ever cared enough about them to help them get out of their current situations. My heart broke for what he went through, and for what so many other children have to go through every day. We learned about grace this morning in church, and even though I wasn't able to pay attention as much as I would have liked due to my children's demands I got one thing out of our pastor's message...We need to show grace to others on a daily basis. We might be lucky in that they will then go on to show other's grace. Wouldn't that make for a beautiful, giving society? I just wish there were more people out there like the character Sandra Bullock played...We can easily better someone else's life if we just took the time to look past ourselves to see the needs of others. I know that we have been shown a lot of grace since Aubree's passing. I never knew how many people truly cared about us, and the love they have shown us has truly helped to get us through each day. My friends who keep asking me to join them for a playdate, coffee, etc, have never given up even when I have declined so many times..I am just so thankful for all of the wonderful people at our church and in our life.