Tuesday, March 16, 2010

So It Begins..

I took the kids outside today to play since it is such a beautiful day..We of course got all muddy from our lovely "yard", and as I was bringing them in we got a visitor. Murphy came flying over to me covered in mud. I called my mom to see if she knew he was missing. He had actually broken out through the screen door to come and see us..We knew this day would come, but I figured it would take longer then this! Roxie was outside with us so when my mom called Murphy she went with him. Roxie did not listen to me so my mom had to drop her off when she went in to town..I wonder how many times this is going to happen! It was so nice to see him though because he is always so happy to see us..he makes you feel really loved! I really needed that today..

I tried to watch the video of Aubree this morning with the kids..I only got to see her tiny feet before I started sobbing..needless to say we turned it off. Carley wanted to know why I was so sad, and I tried to explain that mommy just misses baby Aubree. They don't even talk about her anymore..she really isn't real to them at all. I am hoping that at some point they will get it and will appreciate the fact that they have a little sister waiting for them in Heaven. I find myself picturing her sitting at the table with us as we are eating, laying in bed with us in the mornings, and even playing outside with us..I know that is all very normal, but there are just some times that I wish I could stop dwelling on the fact that she is gone..it just makes it that much harder sometimes. Mike and I are getting things organized in the basement, and I was going through all of the bins of clothing yesterday just to compile them into larger ones for each size so we don't have a million little bins of the same sizes. I got through every single bin of clothing and have all of the clothes properly labeled in the right bins finally. One of the last bins that I went through was the newborn size...I picked up a little onesie and showed it to Mike. It was so tiny, but we both commented that even somehing that tiny would have been way too big for her. They didn't even have a diaper that would fit her...It is just so sad in that we have kept all of these adorable clothes, and we wonder if we will ever get any use out of them again..what is the point of even keeping them? Ash needs to come and get the cute ones that I have for a girl...I did pick some out for her that would work for now, but someone needs to get to wear all of the cute stuff! We even had really cute stuff for Parker..

On a brighter note I finally got Itunes downloaded! I even bought my first song, and it only took about a half an hour to download it..:) I was able to buy "Your Hands" so I can listen to it any time that I feel down and need some reminding of God's plan. He will let me understand some day as to why we had to experience this and until then I just have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

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