Happy Birthday to Parker!

I am still in shock that two years has passed by so quickly. I know they say that time just goes faster and faster with each child, but I really feel like Parker was just a baby yesterday..I can remember everything about his birth, and I can even remember the night before. I told him the story last night when I was putting him to bed, and he laughed about it. He is just so full of joy, and he makes every day a bit brighter for me. Carley is my sensitive one so she is the one who comforts me when I am upset. Each one brings a different gift to the table, and I am so thankful for that. Life would be pretty boring if we were all created the same..there is a reason that we are all different. If you really stop and think about the world and everything that goes on in it you would be amazed at how perfect God's creation really is. Think about a baby being formed inside of the womb, and how perfectly everything has to be formed in order for the child to live outside of the womb. I still don't know how you can look at a baby and not believe in God. Even looking at the food chain and how everything was planned so perfectly. In my opinion there is no fight when it comes to creation vs. evolution. Even if there is evolution..who set that in motion? Wow..not sure where this all came from today, but I guess I needed to get it out of my system..Anyways...

We took Parker to Pittsburgh Mills to the glow-in-the-dark golf since he loves to golf. I am thinking that he might be more of a hockey player based on how he was holding his club. He really had fun playing, and he even got the ball in the hole after four hits one time..I am just glad that he was able to enjoy himself today. He was really spoiled too today. We let him have some Sixlets out of a candy machine this morning which never happens since Carley is always with us and can't have chocolate. We then took him to The Olive Garden for lunch since he really only eats pizza and pasta right now. We are having pizza for dinner so that left us with the pasta option for lunch. After his lunch he had some of those Andes Mints that they give you with your check. He told us quite a few times, "I like mint." He then got a huge M&M cookie as a special treat...They barely even get one sweet thing a day so this was a huge day for him! I think he will be pleased with his basketball cake. I will post some pictures of his birthday once I get some tonight..it was the easiest cake to make! I do think that he enjoyed himself today so far, and he did like the tool bench too! He is getting a book tonight that should make him happy too. It is another one of the Bear books ("Bear Wants More"). He loves the "Bear Snores On" so he should love this one too..He was more thrilled with the balloons then anything though at this point!

We are looking at some smaller tv's for our bedroom since ours looks like it might fall on one of the kids at any given moment, and it is scaring the daylights out of me. We went to the Wal-Mart as I like to call it, and we as we were leaving I saw a little newborn baby..it was a boy, but it still really upset me for some reason. I just have such an intense urge to have my own newborn baby. They are so fragile and aren't able to take care of themselves at all so they make you feel truly needed..My kids are becoming more and more independent every day so they don't need me in the same ways. They still need me for some things, but they don't need me for EVERYTHING. It really took me by surprise that this little baby had such an effect on me..Mike just kept telling me to breathe..I was trying so hard not to breakdown and cry, but I just couldn't help it. As a mother you just have those urges ingrained into you, and it is so hard to be so excited for it when you are never able to fulfill those desires with your own child. I look around at all of the pregnant women and all of the babies that are out there right now, and I feel sadness that she is gone. How is it that so many babies can be so perfect, but mine just wasn't? Mike (who is the voice of wisdom these days) reminded me that you don't see all of the babies that were supposed to be here either..There are a lot of those too..very true..I don't know everyone's story..I just know that my heart is aching, and I crave feeling needed right now. I also know that God has a plan, and his plan is better then any plan that I could try to have for myself so I am going to continue trusting that he will provide the comfort that I need..

I heard a song yesterday that is a pretty good reminder of what we should be focusing on..It is called "Before The Morning" by Josh Wilson..

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning